The Student Affairs New Professional

Learning To Fly - Post 36

2007-09-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comment to my last post. Yes, it is hard sometimes to explain why we love this field...

As the new academic year is starting, StudentAffairs.com is also starting new blogs.
My new blog is available at http://studentaffairscom6.blogspot.com/
I hope you will all continue to read my blog! :)

Learning To Fly - Post 35

2007-07-25T21:07:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."
- Albert Einstein

This word, "balance," tends to creep up on us working in StudentAffairs. I've been thinking about it a lot; it's hard not too with everyone talking about it all the time. And I have a confession to make...I hate the word "balance." It's not that I don't think having a balanced life is important. I've already admitted that I've worked much more this year than ever before and that one of my goals for the upcoming year is to find some new hobbies...but I just think, we go about this whole "balance" thing the wrong way.

I think, first of all, many people forget that balance is something that looks different for everyone. For some people, balance may mean seperating your personal and professional life; not thinking about work after hours (unless there's one of those late-night emergency phone calls). That doesn't work for me. I was never able to "turn off" my brain. I have had many brilliant ideas while watching my favorite Disneychannel shows. But I'm also not going to stop myself from checking my personal e-mail while I'm at work or call my sister from the office.
There are also aspects of work that just don't feel like "work." If I go to an event of a student organization I advise, that's not really work. I know it's work-related, but I just can't make myself think about it like that. And yes, one day I may have a family and then I'll think about it differently and have different priorities. But right now - to be honest - a lot of times I enjoy hanging out with students at an event much more than sitting at home in front of my TV or hanging out with colleagues. Or working on something for a professional organization is like a hobby for me. I don't think about it as work. It's something I choose to do because I enjoy doing it. What's wrong with that? If my supervisor knew that I'm writing this blog, she'd probably count that as part of work. I mean, I can't help it that many of my interests and hobbies are somehow related to Student Affairs.
Also, I just like to be busy. I can't do the sitting-around-doing-nothing. I get bored too easily.

What bothers me the most is that I often feel like supervisors are using "balance" as an excuse to tell you how to live your life. I mean, I'm an adult - we talk so much about treating our students as adults - what about ourselves? I can decide on my own how much sleep I need at night. I can decide what I can handle, what extra tasks I can take on and what I don't have time for. Of course, if it starts affecting my job, a supervisor has every right to start questioning my outside commitments. But if I'm doing what I need to do - even go above and beyond my job description - then who gives them a right to try and run my life for me?

As a graduate student, I was encouraged to try new things, to explore, to get involved! Presenting at regional or national conferences was seen as something positive, something great.
But last year, as a new professional, I suddenly felt like I had to fight for everything I wanted to do. I understand that we need to ask for permission regarding conference attendance because not all of us can leave at the same time. But why can't I participate on a committee during my free time or work on some task force? And to be honest, all those conversations about balance just led to me being worried and stressed about what would be taken away from me or what I wouldn't be allowed to do...I couldn't sleep anymore because I was worried over things and I started putting 120 percent into every aspect of my job because I didn't want anyone to have the slightest reason to take anything from me.

Maybe I'm weird. Maybe I'm obsessed with work. And yes, maybe I'll look back at all this in five, ten years and think, "Hey, you were crazy for working so much." But that's something I need to learn on my own.

Sorry for rambling, but this is something that's really been bothering me lately and that I can get very very emotional about.
Hmmmm, yeah, so the moral of the story is: As a grad I felt like I was being encouraged to try new things; as a new professional I had to fight for what I wanted to do. And I did NOT like that. ;)

More to come soon.... (yes, once I start talking/reflecting, I won't stop quickly.)

Learning To Fly - Post 34

2007-07-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"There is only one road to human greatness: through the school of hard knocks."
- Albert Einstein

Training has started...yes, already. Thanks to the academic advising aspects of my position, I have to go through regular ResLife training as well as academic advising training...so that makes our training program extra long. My roadtrip was FABULOUS and way too short and I'm having a hard time believing that the new year has already started....

But before we start talking about next year, let's look back at last year.
I've made it through my first year as a full-time professional. "Going pro" - as one of my friends from grad school liked to call it - was definitely a learning experience, but I have to say, it wasn't as different from being a grad student as I anticipated it to be. Yes, I had no more classwork to juggle with all my other responsibilities, but that extra time was quickly filled with other commitments. And while I definitely didn't spend as much time at home reading and writing papers, I still tried to pick up a Student Affairs related article here and there or I instead of papers I developed new initiatives and programs and wrote up proposals and things like that.

It definitely wasn't any less busy than grad school...but I had a little more control over what I was busy with and even how busy I was, as many of the things that took up much time were additional tasks I volunteered for. In other words, in grad school, you are forced to be a workaholic...after "going pro," you will still be busy and you will still be expected to do a lot of things, but you do have the option once in a while to say "no" (even though that's not always easy).

The main difference I noticed between grad school and being a professional was that I had a lot more autonomy in the decisions I made and a lot less guidance. I had to seek out help more actively instead of someone always looking over my shoulder. Partially, that may have just been a difference in supervisor's style between my grad assistantship supervisor and my coordinator here, but I think that also had a bit to do with me being a professional now. The help was still there, but I was also trusted to make decisions on my own.

"Going pro" wasn't all positive. I feel that it's been harder for me to maintain balance this past year than it was in grad school. You may think that's crazy, but let me explain. In grad school, I was at least forced to leaver work once in a while to go to a class or work on a project, write a paper or read. Even though that was still Student Affairs related, it was something different than work.
Now, I work and then I work and then I work some more. I am single and I don't have that many friends in this area, so there is really no reason to leave my office ever. Or when I'm sitting in my living room watching TV, it's very easy to pull out the laptop and work on some project or check e-mails or whatever else it may be that day.

I also miss having those "intellectual" conversations. Yes, I am a dork...haha. No, seriously though: I try to read professional literature once in a while, but since I don't have to, I just don't often get around to it. In our office, we sometimes have conversations about different topics, but we all get so caught up in the day-to-day work that it's hard to find time. So I really really sitting in my grad class around that conference table and talking about various current issues, things that were going on in our assistantships and so on.

Okay, I'm off to dinner at our director's house, but I still have some more things to say, so I will continue my little reflection about my first year as a professional later.

"To be continued..."

Learning To Fly - Post 33

2007-07-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Yeah, take it away, Ernie. It's going to be a bumpy ride."
- Shrunken Head in the movie: Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban

Orientation ended; we moved our office back (we have a temporary location that we use in the summer, since we need more space and its in a more central location); I updated and handed in the Summer Orientation Iffce Manager Manual; and now I'm enjoying my 10-day vacation.

I've taken off on a little roadtrip. Right now, I'm staying with a friend from grad school and then I'll be visiting some friends from undergrad. And then, way too soon, I'll be heading back to my current institution just in time for ResLife Training to start.

It's really nice to be away. :) Being the workaholic that I am I brought some books to read with me (well, I want to at least read the book for the class I'm teaching next semester) but other than that, I'm really trying to take a break. I miss those days when I got the entire summer off. I know, having a 10-month position, I had the possibility to take that summer off, so I really can't complain. Maybe next year, I'll take the entire summer off and actually go back home to Austria for once. My sister is getting married next summer (not till the end of the summer though), so I would be able to help her get ready for the wedding. That'd be fun!

On my little roadtrip, I've had a lot of time to think. I'm probably going to stay at my current institution for another two years, especially now that I have the living learning community I wanted and am changing a lot in the community and trying a lot of new things. But after that, I really want to move to a different area. I grew up near a big lake, the Bodensee or Lake of Constance (part of it is in Austria, part of it in Germany and part of it in Switzerland), and I miss being near such a big body of water. There's nothing like sitting at a shore or beach and staring out over the water and daydreaming. And I really wouldn't mind living in a warmer climate. I love skiing (hey, I am from Austria after all), but I could always go home over winter break and go skiing then. And I don't enjoy the cold and snow when I have to walk across campus.
But again, I won't be searching for a while (even though I may start looking selectively...I mean, it never hurts, right?), so I really shouldn't spend that much time thinking about it. I have a tendency to focus too much on the future and forget to live in the present.

Okay, I'm going to head out, but I'll add another post or two to wrap up this blog once I've gotten back from my roadtrip.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 20

2007-07-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

Post 20 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Music: "Like This" Kelly Rowland w/Eve
Mood: Enjoying the good weather

Now, I promised updates from the Social Justice Training Institute, but our schedule was so full I barely got any time to check my e-mail, meaning I have hundreds (well, more like tens) sitting in my inbox. But, I wanted to break away from doing laundry to dialogue on my experience.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off, if you're considering SJTI as a possible experience, you'll need to remember three things:

1) You ain't perfect...nobody is, so get over it, or learn to get over that quick, fast, and in a hurry
2) Your world view will be challenged and molded within a week, so get ready for an experience
3) Even though you'll be enlightened, you still won't be done with learning after SJTI is over

A lot of people are asked what their experience was like, and all I can say is that I was blessed for the opportunity. I honestly thought, regarding race relations and my knowledge of power structures, that I was ready for the depth and breadth of the discussions we had. Man, did I get a kick in the ass! I realized that I had underlying issues that I had to deal with, being a person of color and working with White colleagues, and that I needed a lot of help handling issues that occur, such as a colleague wanting the "White perspective" included in every discussion. I got a deeper handle on privilege, and where I fell in many arenas, such as being able-bodied, hetero, and a male, and how that impacts interpersonal dialogue and group dynamics.

The most important piece I got from SJTI was the friendships I created there. At my workplace, I rarely get a chance to talk about things that are important to me, and to just shoot the breeze with like-minded folks. However, during the last week, I talked with just about everybody about a variety of things, and it felt great. And, with the SJTI listserv, Facebook, and MySpace, those conversations can continue. I've made so many great friends, and it was extremely sad to see them leave.

I have to run to do some more reflecting, since I learned so much my mind is still running in circles. Until later...

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 19

2007-06-23T12:26:00.000-07:00

Post 19 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: Just bummin' out during a beautiful weekend
Music: Rihanna "Umbrella"

Another week of work is over...thank the calendar that said so. Projects are starting to get underway that need to be completed by the end of the summer, so play time is over and back to work (so to speak). I am the coordinator of Transfer Orientation at my institution, so I've been looking thru assessments and past years' programs, so I can craft a program that meets the needs of these incoming students. It's been pretty straight forward, but I kind of feel left out of the Freshman Orientation programming team, because Transfer Orientation has been seen as a kinda "secondary" program. A lot of resources and time go towards the freshman program, simply because there's more of them (around 500 entering this year, compared to 22 transfers). My program gets left out of discussion, but hopefully through my work more people will see the benefits of my efforts and see the importance of supporting these students.

About my eccentricities I talked about last post...I actually got my part-time job. Instead of working at UPS, I'll be washing cars for a rental car company. Sounds sooo exciting, doesn't it? Well, it's a little more flexible than UPS and pays a little more per hour. Plus, I love cleaning cars (my dad always said, "If you take care of the car, the car will take care of you"), so why not get paid to do that? When I told my colleagues, some of them looked at me like I was crazy, once again. Right about now, I could care less what they say. I'm gonna do what I like (unless it's...umm...what's that phrase...illegal and unethical), and unless they're name is gonna be on my car note, they can keep their comments and looks to themselves. Also, last night, while many my age were out at the bar scene or with their families, or who knows what, I spent my Friday evening at a WNBA game. I'll admit, I'm a basketball fan; I love the game very much, so I splurged for the $10 ticket and watched a good game. I will also say I was a little nervous, being I was the only adult male sitting alone in a section of teenage girls, knowing that some security guard or parent thought I was at the game for some illegal purpose. I made sure to not look in their general direction and focus on the game, which was pretty good.

Well, as I am supposed to wrap this blog up, I decided to keep going a little further, especially next week. Remember some of my posts about being "a bean in a bowl of rice"? Well, on Tuesday, I'll be at the Social Justice Training Institute. Several of my colleagues had urged me to attend, and I was accepted to go this year. I've been doing all the homework (yes, I said homework) and taking this conference seriously (not like I've done that to any other training, but you know what I mean). When I get free time, I'll post on how the Institute is going and how my brief vacation in Western Massachusetts is going.

Okay, I'm off to be myself...I might wash my car, or go exercise before I finish my homework. Ya'll take care...

Learning To Fly - Post 32

2007-06-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:

"I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like 'shut up, shut up, shut up, blah blah blah blah blaaaaah.'"
- Ellen DeGeneres

I came across this quote from Ellen today, as I was looking for a quote of the day for this blog that fits my current mood, and this one was just perfect! So i decdied I need more "Ellen" in my life and I check who's on her show in the next few days and there's a scene from Harry Potter on the show tomorrow (or actually today, since it's past midnight) and then Orlando Bloom on Monday...and now I'm really really excited. Haha. Of course, I'll have to tape it because I'll be at work, but it'll provide some perfect dinner-entertainment tomorrow. :)

Our Summer Orientation program is coming to an end. Only five more sessions. CRAZY! This summer definitely flew by.

You know, I was e-mailing my friends from Austria the other day and I mentioned how this summer just went by really quickly and that I can't believe it's basically over...and they were like, "What? Summer hasn't started yet." Which is so true...but being in ResLife, it's like, once Fall Training starts, it feels like summer's over. It's like we're living on a totally different schedule, like we're living in a totally different world.

So back to Orientation...
There's a lot of things I love about Orientation, working with the Orientation Leaders and Office staff, meeting the incoming students and seeing their excitement, watching how these students start making their first connections with other students...there's so much potential, so much future....
Some of my colleagues have said, "You either love Orientation or you hate it." I'm definitely one of those people who loves Orientation.
This year, I've been responsible for a lot of the administrative tasks, the behind-the-scenes work of Orientation. That's not usually my favorite thing to do...I'm much more the go-out-and-do-it kinda person. I live for that "student contact" we talk about so much. But then again, I'm also pretty organized, so doing some administrative tasks isn't too bad for me and I'd say, I do a decent job.
Anyway, it's definitely been an interesting learning experience. There's three areas of Student Affairs that I'm passionate about: Residence Life, Student Activities and Orientation (no offense to any of the other areas; it's just not me). And having seen some of the behind-the-scenes work of an Orientation program has definitely been educational; and if I ever decide to leave ResLife (or find a position that does ResLife and Orientation...which would be just "bloody brilliant"), I'll have a much better idea of what you do when you work with Orientation.
The thing I don't love about Orientation is that you have to work with so many different departments and something have to deal with a lot of incompetence on their part and there really isn't much you can do.
Here's an example: We've said from the very beginning that we'd be using these four buildings to host parents; using two for the even-numbered session and then the other two for the odd-numbered ones to give the Housing Staff a little more time to turn them around. Most of the time, we can fit everyone from one session into one building but once in a while, we have to go on to the second building. It just so happened that we've never had to use the second building for the odd-numbered sessions until today. So today, I get this phone call from Conference Services (they do the check-ins and check-outs for us at the buildings) and they're like, "We have a big problem" (all their phone calls start like this and usually it's something that's really NOT a big deal). The "big problem" was that they "didn't know" that we were using that second building (even though we'd said that from the very start; there's been e-mails; there's been reports for each session that have listed this building...just so far always as not being used). And apparently they didn't have any keys ready for that building. AND they didn't notice this until today when one of the families was coming in, even though I sent them a report listing all the rooms we were using four days ago (as I always do). And of course, this is all my fault!

Oh well...
Life in the ResLife World is interesting as ever. I have a 10-month position, so right now I'm not on contract with ResLife (which is why I'm working for Orientation). So you'd think that I don't have to work for ResLife. THINK AGAIN!
While I'm not allowed to volunteer for anything I'm actually interested in (or certain staff members may think that I work too much and can't handle advising RHA next year), I can definitely volunteer to help with any coordinator interviews and prepare training presentation, meet with central staff members about training presentations and and and. Those are training presentations, by the way, that should have been put together in the Spring, so that we wouldn't have to do that now. But thanks to certain other staff members not having their act together, we're nowhere near being done.
I just don't get it. This is a 10-month position!!! What would they do if I just wasn't available? Next year, I'm planning on going back to Austria for the summer...which means, I will NOT be checking my e-mails every five minutes, they won't be able to call me and there clearly won't be any time for these last-minute meetings.
You know, I'm a workaholic, so I'm always doing ResLife stuff. And I don't mind preparing some things for my building over the summer, doing some of that long-term planning that you don't get around to during the year, etc...but I just don't feel like sitting through endless meetings where nothing will get accomplished.It's like I'm being punished for being around this summer. Definitely not the way you want to start off a new semester....

On a personal note, I actually hung out with some people lately. I still sometimes feel like the fifth wheel when we go somewhere - I guess I just don't fit in really. I'm just interested in different things; like I listen to hip hop instead of country; I go to dance clubs not bars; I obsess over fictional characters from my favorite books not athletes. - but I've hung out with people lately and it's been alright. I guess I just have to force myself to be social around here; and I have to use some of that patience and acceptance that I try to use when working with my students when hanging out with colleagues. ;)

The whole getting-in-shape thing hasn't really worked out this summer. It's not that I don't have time. I just don't have the will power to do it. When I get home at night, I'm tired and all I want to do is read or watch TV. So instead of working out, I've been eating lots of ice cream. Hey, ice cream's good for you. It's got milk in it.

I'm still working toward accomplishing about those job-related goals, the getting stuff ready for the semester. I feel like I'm a little behind what I wanted to do, but not to bad. If I manage to get some work done this weekend, I should be all caught up.

Hmmm, have I talked (or actually "written") too much? Are you going, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, blah blah blah blah blaaaah" yet? Just kidding.

One of my all-time favorite student leaders, a former RHA president, now has a blog about her life at grad school (no, she's not in Student Affairs...at least not yet...haha...I kept teasing her that she'd come over to the "dark side" one day but she insists that she'll be a vet) and it's really fun finding out how things are going for her. I think, everyone should have a blog. ;) (But you may want to be careful who you tell about your blog...hmmm, and doing it anonymously may be a good idea because you never know who's gonna come across it and find out your deepest darkest secrets. And even if it's anonymously, people who know you may guess it's you. Have you guess who I am yet? If you did, don't tell me or I'll get freaked out about the fact that people are actually reading this and will now know what I think.)

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 18

2007-06-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

Post 18 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: Hot...very flippin hot!
On the radio: National Public Radio

Alas, it it time for another blog. This week, I've spent my time doing miscellaneous office work, and a little light cleaning. I've had files on my desk since the age of time (or rather, since April) that needed to be put away, and I'm starting to see the bottom of my desk. I figure it's time to get a little reacquainted with that piece of furniture.

I've also spent this past week doing a little bit of reflecting, mostly on two developments. I'll break them down for ya...

1. Diversity. I'm on a diversity plan committee, looking at my institution's diversity statement and how it impacts daily business. Our team leader is a big huge fan of appreciative inquiry (a method looking at how plans and projects impact personnel matters, in addition to thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that people bring to work). Since we've started, I've bought into appreciative inquiry, and can't wait to see how the process works out. However, there are others on the team that are less confident than I. And, we've spent most of our time, as Peggy McIntosh stated, unpacking that invisible knapsack. I kinda got into a verbal spat with a colleague who was concerned that the plan would disadvantage White students, and would continue to divide groups of students as "haves" and "have nots". I understood her concerns, but I've learned that those statements come in waves of information, and there was a lot to dissect and reflect (I'll spare the meat of the conversation, but from my training, ther neded to be an encounter regarding White privilege). It goes to show that the need for conversations regarding diversity still need to happen, no matter where you are.

2. Free Time. I like to think I'm an eccentric kind of fellow; one that prefers doing the unorthodox things in life just because they're unorthodox. I told colleagues I was thinking of getting a part-time job at UPS to make extra cash and just because it would be fun, and they thought I was crazy (one wonder out loud why ANYBODY would want two jobs). I spend my free time at the airport watching planes taking off and landing, because it's pretty cool. My colleagues read romance novels and spy thrillers and I have to hear about it at lunch every day, I read Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson and learn about Paul Robeson's involvement in the labor movements from the 1930's to the 1960's, and nobody cares. Some people garden and do lawnwork, I go to dog parks to see if there are any Rottweillers around (I'm a sucker for Rotties). A co-worker raved about her new bike because it's "eco-friendly", and I talk about buying a old Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme because it's big, lots of metal, and rides like a dream (and only gets 13 miles per gallon). One lady went to the Bahamas for her vacation; I went to Moline, Illinois for a weekend (it's all my wallet would take me, but I learned that Bix Lives...whatever that means). Suffice to say, there are some disconnects between what everyone does on their free time, and I get some crap for it. I thought student affairs professionals were open-minded? Apparently not everyone. I even mentioned joining the National Guard for fun, just to get a rise out of folks, and people weren't pleased with my idea (never mind I've been actually thinking about joining the Air Force Reserve as a navigator).

I guess I'm just fussing about my workplace and the personalities that are there. I've found during the year that things weren't easy for the only person of color in the unit, and they're not any easier for the eccentric people. A good colleague of mine reads Homer and Shakespeare for relaxation, and people rib him unrelentlessly for expanding his mind. Remember the whole UPS thing above? The only person who thought it was great was the colleague reading The Illiad. I guess us creative people stick together.

I'm ranting like a creative 4 year old about their latest daydream. I'll catch ya'll later, after I watch some planes land.

Learning To Fly - Post 31

2007-06-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:

"You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way offline
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on."

- Bad Day, Daniel Powter

I was talking to one of my friends, who is thinking about leaving his current position at the end of the next academic year (after having been there for only two years). He works in a really small office and just recently got promoted, so he's been a little worried about telling them because they'll probably be mad/sad that he's leaving so soon.

That got me thinking. I don't think anyone would really care if I left. They'd probably not be excited if I handed in my resignation today or some time during the academic year...but as long as it was at the end of an academic year and I gave enough notice, nobody would care. I mean, there may be a few people who'd miss me...not so many in ResLife though, probably more students or professionals in other departments that I've interacted with.
I guess, that's all part of working in a big ResLife office. We have a lot of turnover. You don't expect people to stay in these positions too long.
But it is a little sad to know that you can so easily be replaced. That you're really not more than just another name on the staff roster.

Sometimes I wish I could just hand in a fake resignation to see people's reactions. Because I think that'd really give me a clue what people think about me. Not the fake, politically correct answer!
I wish I could leave for a couple weeks; let them realize a lot of the things that I've been doing - unnoticed and unappreciated - and then come back and maybe get a little bit more recognition. No, recognition is the wrong word...I don't need recognition (not that I'd say no to it either, but you know what I mean)...just more of an acknowledgment that I'm really trying to do a good job and some respect for my personal needs and wishes (hmmmm, maybe like a certain committee assignment). I mean, shouldn't committee assignments based on what's good for the office and also what's good for the individual staff members instead of who's friend with whom? Crazy concept, I know. ;)

You know, I don't think I'm irreplacable. I know there's a lot of other Student Affairs Professionals, who could do the job I'm doing...who are doing very similar jobs at other institutions. Hey, there may even be some out there who'd do a better job. But I'm trying and I just want to be respected for that.
I'm always the first one to volunteer when the department needs something. Interestingly enough, that's totally okay when they really need me (like to help out with coordinator interviews) but it's not so okay when it's something that I just really enjoy doing (like helping with another training session about Hall Councils) or when it's something that doesn't directly benefit the department (like getting involved regionally or nationally). You know, if you use and abuse me for everything you need, at least let me do the things I want to do. Is that too much to ask for???

Hey, on a good note though: I've been working on some stuff for my living learning community for next year and these things are slowly starting to take shape and I'm pretty excited about them. Some staff members (of course those outside of ResLife; or the ones that are leaving) have also given me some really positive feedback. This one staff member, who is really awesome, said, "I'm impressed." That meant so much to me! You know, it's really not that hard to make me happy. Haha.

Okay, maybe I should try and get some things done before lunch.
I hope you're all enjoying your summer! :-)

Learning To Fly - Post 30

2007-06-10T19:03:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Every man dies - Not every man really lives."
- William Ross Wallace

So I've basically spent all day today sitting on my couch reading Harry Potter and watching TV in between. But hey, it's been a long week and I was in desperate need of some peace, quiet and relaxation.

On Friday, I actually left campus...shocker, right? I went to a friend's house, spent the night, and on Saturday, we participated in this Community Service project. We helped paint a house. It was pretty fun. I got to climb on the tall ladder...actually, there wasn't enough people who felt comfortable doing it, so I was pretty busy. The ladders weren't all that stable, so climbing up and down didn't feel all that safe; but once you were up there, you had a beautiful view. It was like when I was little and climbed on trees. ;) I love climbing.

Maybe I should do stuff like that more often. I mean, I've been trying to find some new hobbies. But then, Community Service sometimes feels a little too much what I do at work anyway...and I'll probably be organizing some Community Service events for my living learning community next year. And I've kind of been looking for something much different.

My favorite hobby at the moment is reading. I know, that's kind of a solitary activity and doesn't really help you make new friends...but then again, reading has always been my favorite thing to do. And right now, with all the Harry Potter hype going on....

I've also seriously started preparing some stuff for next year for my building and that's been keeping me busy in my free time.
Below is just a short list of work-related things I want to get done this summer:
1) Prepare a Residential Curriculum for my living learning community
2) Come up with a Leadership Portfolio program that my residents could participate in
3) Developing a Pre- and Post-Test for residents participating in my living learning community
4) Help prepare the training for Hall Council Advisors
5) Develop a section for our staff manual that talks about Hall Council Advising

And there's probably a couple other things I'm forgetting right now. I'm definitely not going to be bored in the next few weeks. No wonder I'm too tired at night and on weekends to do anything else.

You know, the one thing I've always wanted to do, is write a novel. I love writing. I tried to write my first novel when I was still in elementary school. The story was pretty horrible...haha...but it was a start. And at my undergrad, one of my favorite courses were the creative writing ones I took. One of my faculty members really encouraged me to keep writing. But I just haven't really had the time lately. And I'm having a hard time coming up with a storyline. It's like I'm using my brain too much during the day at work and when I get home, my brain's tired and doesn't want to work. So it'll take a while till my award-winning novel will come out. ;)

Alright, it's time to get ready for bed. I'm definitely still not a fan of this getting-up-early thing. Why do our offices have to open at 7:30 AM in the summer? "Uh uh, not cool!" (Quote from Bring It On)

Learning To Fly - Post 29

2007-06-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them."
- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone

Orientation sessions have started and I'm back to my workaholic-self. On Orientation days, I get to the office at 7:15 AM to make sure we're all set for the day. I usually work through lunch and then stay late...but I also get to take some breaks and just hang out with my office staff, so it really isn't all that bad. The morning's hectic because that's when we help with check-ins and when we get the most phone calls. The afternoon's are much more relaxed. My office staff has been bored out of their mind the past few days. After weeks of stuffing binders and doing bulletin boards, the only things we now do is get packets with nametags, invoices, etc. ready for students and family members the day before each session and answering the phone and our e-mail....definitely not enough to keep six office staff members occupied. And it speaks for my staff that they really don't enjoy being paid for not doing anything. So I've been trying to come up with some new things for them to do, but I haven't been all that successful.
When I get home, I am generally too exhausted to do anything. I pass out on the couch and then wake-up halfway through the night when it's too late to do anything but go to bed, especially since I have to be up early again the next day.

I've started re-reading the Harry Potter books...a little earlier than I planned to. But I figured, if I get done early, I'll just re-read the last one twice. Talking about Harry Potter: I was reading Sorcerer's Stone last night and came across that quote (see Quote of the Day) about choosing precisely the things that are worst for us. It just kind of hit me. Do I do that? Do I choose what's worst for me?
I definitely choose things that are tons of work. I choose a learning community that will keep me extremely busy. If I could choose my committee assignment, I'd choose those that are the most amount of work...not because of the amount of work they are, but because they are what I'm interested in. Similarly, I didn't pick my learning community because I knew it'd keep me busy but because it was what I am personally interested in. But no matter why I choose them, there's definitely a lot of work involved in all of them. So is me choosing things that keep me busy the worst thing for me?
Not necessarily. I enjoy my work, especially those aspects that add to the regular workload. They make me happy and what's more important? Then, again, I don't have much of a personal life because of that. But would I, if I wasn't at work all the time? Would things really be different or would I just spend more time sitting in my apartment re-reading books?
I want to have a family one day; I definitely want to have children one day. Some of my friends have expressed concern about me being a workaholic and wanting to raise children. But I really believe things will be different once I have a family. If I had a children, I'd have a reason to leave work on time; I'd have something else to do, something else I care about. Right now, work's my main concern and that's why I put all my energy into it. But that doesn't mean I can't change once my priorities change, right?

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 17

2007-06-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

Post 17 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Music: Wynton Marsalis "From The Plantation to The Penitentiary"
Mood: Hoping it doesn't thunderstorm...oops, there goes the thunder

Well, another week of summer work has ended, and my weekend is just starting. I love the summer hours, where offices close around 12:30 in the afternoon on Friday. However, offices open at 7:45 in the morning every day, so I've got to get up extra early in the morning. See, the college kids have it so easy...they can sleep in, miss class, party all night (and all morning, depending on the student), and feel carefree from responsibility. Just wait until they get jobs...muahahaha!!!!

On a different note, this past week has been celebrations for staff members leaving. Aside from the sadness that some of the graduate students are leaving, I've eaten a lot. If you've read my posts, I live to eat, not eat to live. However, I'm really stuffing myself, almost to the point of making myself sick. But, it's still good to see colleagues moving on to bigger things (even if it's at a school literally a mile down the same street). Also, we had a going-away shindig for my supervisor. Before I got here, there was some major restructuring, and his position was phased out. He had the opportunity to advance within the institution, but was not considered for a position. It was really hard towards the end of the year knowing that there was a chance he wouldn't be back, but he's moving on to bigger opportunities (I would say more, but I don't want to jinx his chances). As the year progressed, we moved from colleagues to being good friends. There were a lot of difficult discussions and decisions he had to make, and I stood by him, knowing that he was a commsumate student affairs professional with the students in mind. He also was the catalyst for helping me change my thinking while advising students, and was a valuable asset during my first year as a professional. It's tough to see good friends go, but I remember a quote Morgan Freeman said in The Shawshank Redemption, "some birds aren't meant to be caged; their feathers are just too bright."

Since I'm getting a little sentimental, and I don't want to sob (again) at my desk, I'll stop here for today. Have a restful summer!

Learning To Fly - Post 28

2007-05-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"It's so much easier to talk when the lights are off."
- Me

Quick update since the last post:
I did end up moving. I was fortunate enough to get a hold of a Housing staff member, who was working over the weekend, and was able to have a bed put in my new apartment. No clue what's gonna happen to the painting...so far, nothing's happened yet. Surprised? I'm not.
Am I still mad? Of course. But is anyone going to care? Nope, of course not.

So I've been thinking and here's what I've come up with:

1) I don't do well with mediocre goals.
Remember how I was thinking that working out 3 times a week was a realistic goal, so I'd stick with that (rather than saying I'll work out every night or so)...well, somehow I've been using that "only 3 times" as an excuse. I keep thinking, "Oh, I'm tired tonight and I don't really have to do it because I got enough other days left this week"...but then something comes up those other days and then I do nothing at all. It's like in school when I wasn't able to just study for a "B"...even when I knew that a "B" was enough to get me an "A" overall in the course. I mean, how do you study for a B? What if you think you've studied enough for a "B" and then it turns out to only be a "C." Or worse, you totally miscalculate and end up with a "D." Okay, that probably wouldn't happen, but still.... I've just never been able to not go all out for something. The only help was my talent in procrastinating...when I started studying enough, I ended up only studying for an "A" (and possibly panicking the morning of the exam) instead of studying for an "A+." But it was never because I didn't have high goals.
So I guess I'll have to reevaluate those goals, huh?

2) I take it, take it, take it and then I blow up.
Okay, I may have to explain that one a little better...
It's like this: Things don't go my way and I deal with it. I try to find a way to live with it. I may vent to a friend or on this blog, but then I make the situation work and I won't say anything to anyone...most of the time, I won't even admit to myself that it's bothering me. I'm pretty good at ignoring my own feelings and convincing myself that they don't exist. Like I pretended for the longest time that the whole apartment-not-being-ready thing in the Fall wasn't that big a deal. Yeah, at times I'd get annoyed, but overall, I just accepted it. That's what it's like working in Reslife, right?
I convinced myself that I was okay with all these "interventions" people had with me in attempts to stop me from working so hard because they came out of concern about me. Deep down I knew that I thought they were annoying and stupid...after all, if you know me at all, you would know that these talks don't work with me...that they only throw me in bigger disarray and I end up staying up all night thinking about what I should do and what consequences these talks would have on my career and my goals...and in the end, I slept less, worked harder and worried more. Not exactly an improvement in terms of having balance in your life, huh?
Anyway, I've gotten sidetracked...
So all these things, I've just kind of accepted them, dealt with them, not said anything.
And then something happens, like the stupid thing with my move last weekend, and I blow up. Fortunately for my colleagues, I was all by myself in my apartment, so nobody had to witness my blow-up this time. But for a very long time, I've been feeling ready to blow...like the smallest thing can push me over the edge...like a ticking bomb....
I guess it'd be healthier to express my feelings a little more often and not to let it all build up so much. So why don't I do that???
Hmmm, there's definitely fear...fear of it hurting my career if I actually say what I think and the wrong person hears it; but also the fear of nothing being done about it and me feeling even more disappointed and frustrated afterwards. There's also the lack of a forum to ever really express your thoughts. An "End-of-the-Year" survey is a nice thing and I'm sure makes department heads feel better about themselves, but is that really enough???
I'm sure there's a million other reasons I could come up with, if I think about it a little longer.
But it's almost my bedtime (remember, I have to get up early this summer for work...and the first Orientation session is tomorrow...AHHHH!!!) and this has gotten long enough already...
And there's one more thing I wanted to talk about...

3) The one thing I learned from being a journalism major is to forget about your audience's reactions/feelings when you start writing.
(I'm not sure if that's something I was supposed to learn....)
But seriously: I used to write these columns and I would sometimes write slightly controversial things...and I'd totally forget that people were actually reading this column and that my name was attached to it (as well as a picture). And when someone commented on one of my columns, I was always shocked...suddenly remember again that people actually read them. But I think that really helped me. If I'd been worrying about what people thought, about the consequences of my writings, I would never written half the things.
Similarly with this blog...
Some people, who know me and know that I'm writing these posts, have asked me how I can put myself out there so much...how I can be so honest about how I feel/what I think, etc.
Well, to be honest, half the time I forget that people actually read this. And I'm kinda glad I do, because otherwise all you'd get to read would be politically correct but horribly boring little stories about how wonderful this job is and how well things are going.
it's kind of like when my friends and I, or my sister and I, used to have sleepovers and we'd turn the lights off and talk for hours and hours...because it's so much easier to talk and to be honest when the lights are off, right?
Maybe we should have feedback sessions at work with the lights turned off...haha.

Learning To Fly - Post 27

2007-05-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes."
- Thomas Hardy

So I am really annoyed right now. Not just annoyed, but I don't think I can say how I really feel on this blog...

Here's what happened:
I am supposed to move this weekend. I planned it into my schedule; decided not to do anything for the long weekend and instead use it to get move and unpack and get totally settled in, so that I wouldn't have to worry about anything afterwards.
So I picked up my key on Thursday because I meant to go over to the suite and check it out before actually moving...but then things came up and I just didn't get around to it. And I figured, why be paranoid. How about just trusting that people are actually going to do their job and do what they promised to do? I mean, why wouldn't the suite be ready for me since this has all been set up and was a done real?

So tonight, I got back from work and was pretty tired (since I stayed up late last night...went to see Pirates). I decided to take a nap first...after all, moving was gonna be easier anyway once it got cooler out. And as we all know, I'm a night-person.
I own this huge bookshelf, so I pack that in my car. I debated for a second whether I should squeeze other things in there. But then I decided to just go over there and check out the suite first.

And guess what...
the suite is NOT ready. There is no bed in it (because the staff member who lived there before had her own bed). The paint is peeling everywhere...it was supposed to be painted but clearly hadn't been.

I'm so mad, I don't even know what to say. And you'd think that the coordinator, who checked out the staff member (only two days ago, actually...even though that staff member had moved out a couple weeks ago), would have said something. Maybe even gotten the Housing Manager to get his act together...or at least give me a heads up. But no, why would anyone care about me and my happiness in this department?

I know I'm making a bigger deal out of this then it is. But it just feels like this is just another one in a long line of disappointments that I've had to deal with at this school and with this department.

And now I don't know what to do....
Should I just move and accept the fact that the apartment will never be painted and fixed up; and that I'd have to sleep on the couch?
Or should I wait? But then, how long would I have to wait? And I had this weekend planned to move and next week Orientation starts and I won't want to deal with moving anymore. And all my stuff is already in boxes!
This is SO frustrating!

I want to like this department; I've really tried to be patient and supportive and to try and see things from their perspective. But whenever something goes well (like when I got the living learning community I wanted for next year), ten other things go wrong. And I spend more time worrying about what they'll do to me next then focusing on my job.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 16

2007-05-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

Post 16 from Tryin' to Get Paid

On the Radio: The Jim Rome Show
On the Mind: Wish it wouldn't rain anymore

Well, since things finally calmed down, I can blog for ya'll (I know, I know...you're happy to hear from me). Since we don't have summer school out here, hardly anyone is here, except for full-time staff. It's eerily quiet around here (I'm used to students stopping by my office all the time, using the computers outside my office, stealing candy from my desk), so I've had time to finish my last-minute paperwork and budget details before the fiscal year ends. I also did my summer calendar, so I created some timelines for my major projects and scheduled vacation times, so I know when I deserve a break. My mind runs so fast that I forget little things, like going home to eat dinner, do the laundry, and get the occasional nap, so I've gotta write those things down.

Anyways, graduation was phenomenal! I thought that the ceremony would be boring and the standard fare graduation, but it was excellent. When the procession started with a Scottish drum and bagpipe band, followed by the flags of countries where graduates came from, I literally had goosebumps from the excitement. Add the fact that graduation was outdoors on a beautiful day, and it made for a picture-perfect scene. I only wished my graduation was outdoors, with a gentle breeze on my face and lots of people there to celebrate with me. There weren't too many outlandish outfits (one student wore a plad suit and bowtie), but some came with their own fashion in mind. When I left, I was really proud to have been there, seen some of my students cross the stage, and proud to be working at such a place. Also, the keynote speaker was great. She does non-profit work helping disadvantaged children across the United States, and it was inspiring to hear her words of encouragement to the graduates. She was waaayyy better than my graduation speaker (he told us if we didn't become entrepreneurs, we would be failures in life).

Since the summer is really starting (it's getting a little hotter outside), I've really got to start thinking about how my first year went. The months of April and May were extremely fast-paced, so now I have the time to really think about this past year, and really read my performance review. It wasn't sterling, however I did well enough to keep my job and for the Dean of Students to tell me that my work has had an impact. There were times this past year that I felt that I wasn't doing enough, or I wasn't having an impact. I guess it's tough to see all the time when you're always moving around and have your hand in various projects and don't have the time to take a timeout to savor your efforts. Now, I can sit around and ponder "What would I do differently?" and "What do I need to make positive changes for students and my colleagues?" I'll definitely keep thinking, and I'll share my thoughts, hopefully tomorrow (wow, 2 posts in 1 week, aren't you as suprised as I am?)

I have to run to a going away party for a graduate intern who just got their first job. Hmmm...what advice could I give him? I'm glad I have a blog to reference to...

Learning to Fly - Post 26

2007-05-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom."
- Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

Summer used to the be time for adventure, the time to celebrate your freedom. I remember the excitement of the last day of classes. Not so much anymore....

Okay, I'm once again being a drama queen. Summer's still pretty nice. First of all, it's nice out and that always puts me in a much better mood. Then, there's work but not as much. Now, when I get home at 5 PM (I don't think I've ever gotten home that early during the academic year), I'm actually done for the day and don't have three more evening meetings. Okay, there's still my to-do-lists (getting things ready for my living learning community for next year, taking care of some RHA stuff, preparing for Training Sessions for the Fall) and then, of course, the move. I haven't made it through one summer in the seven years I've spent in this country without having to move. Crazy, huh?

I've spent this weekend organizing/cleaning/packing. I doubt this'll be a surprise to anyone, but I have a really really hard time letting go of some things. I still have a bunch of door decs from undergrad, have my two favorite bulletin boards saved (even though I'll never be able to use them again) and lots of postcards, old calendars, pictures and and and. And of course that doesn't make moving any easier.

It is kinda nice though to come across all these old things when you're packing and to remember all the fun I had. Still, I'm not looking forward to next weekend when I actually have to move. Well, this weekend was somewhat productive and if I get a few more things done this weekend, it shouldn't be too painful.

So last year, I came up with this fabulous list of goals for the summer and I did a decent job at trying to accomplish them. So here we go with my list for this summer:

* Re-read all the Harry Potter Books and mentally prepare for the release of Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. I know, this may sound weird, but seriously, Harry Potter's played such a huge part in my life these past few year that the release of the last book will be a quite emotional event for me. So I'm allowing myself to really get into the hype around this Harry Potter summer; from the countdown for the movie and the book on my computer to checking Mugglenet.com on a daily basis to reading all the books again (I've actually spent quite a lot of time trying to figure out when I should start reading them; because I don't want to get done too early but I also can't afford not getting through all of them...so maybe 6 weeks before the release? This is a tough decision!).

* Get in shape again. I'm going to try and set some more realistic goals this summer though: I'm planning on working out at least three times a week. I can do three times. Sometimes, I'm just too tired at night after work; and there's no way I'd ever get up early in the morning; but three days a week are doable.

* Organize some of my old files and documents; preferably even type some up, so that I can keep electronic copies instead of all those papers. Hey, that'd even make moving easier in the future! ;)

* Get ready for next year: I'm working on this pre-test that I want students in my living learning community to take, as well as a newsletter (that will include the link to the pre-test) that'll be sent out prior to them coming to campus, a type of residential curriculum for my living learning community, a leadership portfolio program and and and. Yeah, I won't get bored this summer.... But hopefully all the hard work will pay off and maybe even make next semester a little less stressful.

* Have some fun and treat myself to something once in a while. I'm thinking about a Carvel ice cream cake...hmmmm...for some reason I've had a craving lately...lol. But I also want to do some other fun things...maybe just lay out in the sun one afternoon or drive somewhere and do something. We'll see; but I clearly don't want to spend the entire summer locked into my apartment.

I think that's it...at least everything I can think of right now. And it's also way past my bedtime (since office hours start at 7:30 AM here in the summer...CRAZINESS!!!).
Hopefully, next time I post, I'll be able to report that I have finished moving and have managed not to break anything. And hopefully, I'll also ahve seen the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie (I'll definitely take a break from moving for that...lol).

Learning To Fly - Post 25

2007-05-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.”
- Peter F. Drucker

Today was one of those nice, lazy days. I woke up late, stayed in bed for a while and read ("What is the What" by Dave Eggers...pretty good book so far), then had a late breakfast, called my family, read some more, watched some TV, read some more, downloaded a couple songs (legally, of course...i paid for the downloads and all), checked my e-mail, checked my Facebook, read some more. It was one of those days that is pretty nice as you're going through it but at the end of the day, you'll ask yourself, "Where did today go? What did I do all day?"

Oh yeah, I also looked at my blog from last year, when I was going through the job search. Wow, I was quite the drama queen...haha. It's really weird looking back at these posts now. I can still remember the emotional rollercoaster, but it seems so far away, like it wasn't really me who was going through all that. I have a very selective memory (I'm serious...this is the only way I can explain this)...I generally only remember the good things; or I make the mediocre things a lot better in my memory. Once they're in the past, things just don't seem that bad to me anymore. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

Anyway, I cracked myself up reading what I was thinking last year, especially when it came to my job offer and what I anticipated my first year at this institution to be like.
So let's do some reflecting...

1) I thought I'd have a lot more free time and that I'd have a life again.
Hmmm, not really. Haha. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just a hopeless workaholic. But this year was definitely a lot more stressful than I anticipated it to be. I rarely noticed that I wasn't taking classes anymore. I didn't really have time to think about it.
This job is stressful...and I know my colleagues would agree. Okay, some of them are definitely better able to find a balance and to have a life outside of work. And I know, partially, it's my own fault. I just can't turn my brain off. I'll come back to my apartment and watch some TV show but in the back of my head I'm still thinking about the job and about what I need to accomplish the next day and what I want to do differently and and and. I constantly make to-do-lists in my head. I think about different community development models. I ponder if I could have handled a situation better. I wonder how my staff is doing and if I am supporting them enough. How do you turn off your brain?
You say, I could think about different things. Yeah, I do, sometimes. I think about my friends from home, remember the fun times we had, write e-mails and read theirs finding out about what's going on in their lives...but being so far apart, I can only think about them so much. Then, I think about Harry Potter and what will happen in Book 7. I can obsess about it for hours, reading Fan Web sites, analysing various theories, coming up with my own theories, looking up paragraphs in old books to see if my theories could work, rereading the books in general, taking funny Harry Potter quizzes online and and and. But again, you can only do that for so long. So then I start thinking about the jo again....
Yeah, I know I need to learn how to have a life again. That was my goal last summer and this year. I failed. So I guess I'll have to work on that again next year.
But you know, sometimes I just really enjoy spending time with my students (RAs or RHA or even some of my residents) so much more than hanging out with other professional staff members (and I don't really know anyone who doesn't work here, so it's either them or my students), ...
I don't know. It's just not that easy. But I'll work on it, I promise.

2) I thought I'd fit in well with the staff here and make some good friends.
Hmmm, again, didn't really happen. I guess first impressions from a one-day campus interview don't tell you everything...haha...big surprise.
There's a few amazing individuals I've met and that I really enjoy spending time with. But not that many. And there's definitely been a lot of times when I felt pretty lonely and isolated. I just didn't feel like I fit in with many of the other staff members. I wasn't really interested in spending my time with the things they were doing. Okay, I probably also didn't make the best effort at reaching out to others and asking them to hang out; and in terms I wasn't often asked to come along. But then again, sometimes I just enjoyed spending time with my staff and students much more than hanging out with other professional staff.
Oh well, there'll be a lot of new staff members next year...maybe I'll find some friends then...and at least, one of the staff members I really enjoyed hanging out with is staying in the area (even though she won't be working here)...so hopefully we'll get to hang out next year.

3) I was so excited about working here and thought that I had found a school that fit my values and beliefs perfectly.
Well, perfect was maybe a little too much to ask for. There's a lot of things I like about working here. There is a lot of things I like about how we do things in this department. But there's also lots of things I don't like. Mostly, the politics in our department.
You know, I'm really starting to think that there isn't a "perfect" department out there for me. I don't think I'll ever like absolutely everything about a place I'll be working at. The question is just how much do I have to like about a place to be able to work there successfully and to be happy...
And there's enough here to make me feel like I can do that...at least for another year or two. As long as I have the opportunity to work with my student leaders and try some new things, I'll be okay.

Alright, enough rambling for today.

But here are some coming attractions... ;)
- setting goals for the summer (I did that last year and while I wasn't that successful at accomplishing all of them, it did help a little)
- reflecting upon what I've learned in my first year as a new professional (this seems to be the new question everyone's asking me)
- setting goals for next year, my second year as a new professional

Learning to Fly - Post 24

2007-05-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
- Dr. Seuss

Easier said than done. I'm one of these people, who hate saying goodbye. You'd think I'm good at it. I've left my hometown, my home country, my family, all my friends, everything I knew...twice actually...once in high school for a year (I was an exchange student), then again for college and that time for good (even though I wasn't sure at that time whether it was for good or not, but I kinda expected it to be...). It wasn't that hard back then. I was excited for the new things to come. To be honest, I couldn't wait to get out of there and start my own adventures. Start new, in a new place, with new people, doing things I'd never even heard about before.
Now, at times, I feel like my life is string of goodbyes, some harder than others but none of them really fun. That's when I have to remind myself that my life is also filled with hellos. Especially in our profession...working with a new staff each year (new professional staff members, supervisors, as well as new student staff members), meeting new residents and student leaders, and and and. But somehow it's easy to forget that and get stuck on the fact that we constantly have to say goodbye.

I just found out yesterday that one of my favorite coordinators is leaving our department. There's four coordinators in our department. Two of them are clearly my favorites (well, I also worked with them more than the others, so maybe I'm not being fair, but what's fair about having favorites anyway)...and those two, my two favorites, are leaving. As my RHA members would say, "Uh uh, not cool" (quote from the movie "Bring It On). Yeah, there'll be two new coordinators (hopefully...you never know how those searches go) but maybe they'll be fabulous, but you never know. And right now I just want to be a stubborn little kid that's whining and complaining and doesn't listen to logic and reasoning.

You know, it also makes me wonder. If these two coordinators, who obviously did a fabulous (fabulous is my new word by the way...it used to be amazing, then wonderful, now it's fabulous...i've noticed myself using it like ten times a day)...so anyway, if those two, who did a fabulous job (or otherwise they wouldn't be my favorites, of course), are leaving after just one year at this institution, shouldn't we ask ourselves "WHAT ARE WE DOING?" And maybe central staff is asking themselves that, but I don't know that for a fact, so of course I'm wondering.
I mean, there's two fabulous coordinators leaving after one year, there's three professional staff members leaving after just one year...yeah, we have a big department and there's always a lot of turnover, but we all know that you usually stick out a new job for at least two years...at least that's what I was told to do.

You know, sometimes I really wonder what central staff thinks. Here's another thing about working at a big institution: there's a lot of things you just don't know. I'm sure there's conversations going on (or at least I hope so), but it being such a big department, we, at the bottom of the totem pole (actually that'd be the grads...or the student staff members...but at least in terms of full-time professionals, we're down there), we just don't know about a lot of these things and then it's easy to think these things aren't happening. And it's not like I would need to know all the details of these conversations (I admit, I'm a naturally curious person, so I would want to know...but I'm realistic enough to realize that I don't need to know), it'd just be nice to know that there are conversations happening. Is that too much to ask for?

Okay, I'm done with my little vent session for the day. Some other time, I'll spend some quality time reflecting on what I've learned this first year and where I'm going from here. I just had my evaluation meeting with my fabulous coordinator (haha...i'm cracking myself up by saying "fabulous" every two seconds...I just said it to one of my office workers...I'm working with Orientation this summer...anyway, you all probably think I've gone insane...well, maybe I have)...but yeah, more about that some other time; once I've gotten over the large number of goodbye's I had to say in the past few days and will still have to say in the next couple weeks...Did I mention that I hate goodbyes?

Post 15-Tryin' to Get Paid

2007-05-08T12:52:00.000-07:00

Post 15 from Tryin' to Get Paid

I'm sitting here in my office, and it's eerily quiet. Yesterday was the last day of finals, and most students have already left for home, summer jobs, internships, and vacations to exotic locations (which I'm extremely jealous of). I finished my summer planning calendar, so I have all my tasks planned out for the summer. I know, I know, how ambitious of myself, but if I don't plan a calendar for all the things I need to get done, it'll be opening next August and I'll be rushing to get all my tasks done. I was also able to plan in vacation time (i.e. sitting on couch, watching baseball on TV, walks around the block to get fresh air) and when I'll be heading to summer conferences.

Commencement is on Saturday, and I'm really excited, for it's my first graduation at my new institution. From what I've heard, the ceremonies are vastly different than when I graduated last year. Our school has Scottish ties, so instead of "pomp and circumstance" there will be a bagpiper leading the procession, followed by faculty and students. And, being the liberal "bucking the system" school, graduations gowns are optional. I've been told by staff to be prepared to see students crossing the stage in shorts, t-shirt, and sandals, and being proud to do so. At first, I thought it would be silly to take part in a big event in casual clothing, but the more I thought about this place and it's environment, the more I could understand why so many seniors aren't buying the cap and gown and going for the Che Guevara t-shirt for commencement wear. It's part of the aura of attending this school, and I'm even thinking about attending the ceremony in a t-shirt and shorts...but for professionalism's sake, I'll go somewhat formal.

Well, I guess I should probably start reflecting (ugh...I still don't like that word) about my first year as a professional. Let's see what happened my first year:

-Involved in my first orientation
-Staffed my first protest (and subsequent incounter with semi-clothed protesting student and obviously irritated member of Board of Trustees)
-Used student development theory to diffuse situation involving drunk woman...on a Friday night...on the Light Rail Train coming back from a basketball game in downtown
-Handled my first major campus crisis incident involving several of the student organizations I advised
-Worked on task force to program non-alcoholic events on campus
-Staffed first annual founding celebration (and played bouncer to obviously inebriated students wanting more alcohol)
-Took part in intense discussions involving race and ethnicity with students, staff, and faculty
-Got involved in really heated talks with my colleagues about race and its impact on our work

I'm sure there's more things that happened this year that I just couldn't think about off the top of my head right now. When I get to thinking about what else I did, I'll let ya'll know.

Learning To Fly - Post 23

2007-04-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Oh Harry, don't you see? If she could have done one thing to make absolutely sure that every single person in this school will read your interview, it was banning it!"
- Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Yeah, I know I just posted on Thursday but I've been grading papers all day (for the Career Development course that I've volunteered to teach this semester...what was I thinking???) and I really need a break. So I filled out this survey that our department does for staff at the end of the year and that got me thinking...

One of the questions was about diversity and that made me think of some incidents that I've dealt with this past year. In the Fall semester, someone wrote the "N-word" really big and in permanent marker on the stairwell of one of my hallways. It was between the 2nd and 3rd floor on the South side of the buildling. And working at a very White institution, I knew that I didn't have any students of color in either one of those corridors. So I didn't think it was directed at anyone in particular; not that this makes it any less of a big deal, but it was something I wanted to consider when I decided how to approach the situation.
To be honest, I was pretty shocked and didn't really know what to do. I knew that at my undergrad, a relatively diverse and very liberal institutions, student activist would have taken a stand and would have made sure that this behavior was addressed publicly. Here, I was pretty sure my students wouldn't do anything like that. So it was up to me....
I thought about holding a mandatory all-hall meeting to address the incident. Then, I thought about what it would be like for my three Black students to sit in that meeting. I didn't want to single them out and make them feel even more uncomfortable. And what if by making it a big deal, I would encourage copycat actions. Or, let's be honest, how affective am i really as an administrator telling students NOT to do something. Telling them that I disagree with something is like telling them to do it (at least for some...I mean I don't think I'm as bad as Umbridge in Harry Potter but I also am not as delusional as to believe that all of my students actually listen to me). But I also didn't want to do nothing and make my students think that this behavior was acceptable. I wasn't sure if my students of color had seen the writing, but if they had, I wanted to make sure to send the message that this was not tolerated in our community.
We had never talked about these kind of incidents in training. We don't really have any protocol in how to address it. So here I was, confused and all on my own....
Well, here's what I ended up doing: I called the police and filed a report. They investigated and asked some of the students in the nearby hallways if they had any information. We had the writing removed as soon as the police had seen it and taken pictures of it.
Then, I organized some additional diversity training for my RA staff by having a presenter come to our staff meeting as well as go on an overnight retreat where we talked about the power of language.
But was that enough? Did we do the right thing?

I felt pretty good until about a week ago, one of my Hall Council members just casually mentions to me that the N-word is written on the wall in that very same hallway again. She said it'd been there for a while.
I went to check it out and it was very small - maybe why nobody had told me before - but definitely noticeable enough. The police just happend to be in my building (they were arresting a resident for smoking marihuana), so I went and talked to them. They said that filing a report really wouldn't do anything since most likely they wouldn't find anything anyway. They offered to help me remove it, but I figured I could do that on my mind - which was what I did right afterwards. I informed my supervisor, but knowing that the semester was almost over I didn't do anything else.
Should I have done something???

I really struggle at times with trying to educate students here about social justice, tolerance and acceptance. I feel like the things I did as an undergraduate wouldn't work here because they were geared toward a very liberal and already somewhat aware student body. Here, I would probably just turn people away with these methods.
My staff has mentioned to me more than once that they dislike how ResLife "pushes diversity down their throat." Staff has told me that they "don't believe in being gay." What do you say to that??? I've really had to change my approach with staff training from educating them about social justice to just getting them to the point of being supportive of others, wheter or not they "believe" in who these students are. I stil crinch everytime I hear the word "believing" in this context, but I fell like this is the best I could have done.

Okay, before I keep on rambling, here is the question I really wanted to raise: How much are we actually prepared as new professionals to work with that specific population of our campus?
I mean, I knew how to do ResLife before I came here. I knew how to do diversity education in a ResLife-context. But what I didn't realize was how different this education has to be based on your student popuatlion. I mean, I've heard people talk about but it just never hit home until I met my staff and students. And that was after training was over and I already felt unprepared and lost.
And since we know that as administrators we aren't always as effective in getting a message across as students/pers would be, what do we do to train our student staff to educate their peers about these issues? When our staff is already "sick" of diversity, do you really think they'll be effective in educating their residents?

Oh, so many questiosn and so few answers. We definitely still have a long way to go before being the "perfect" ResLife department, if there is something like a "perfect" department.

Learning To Fly - Post 22

2007-04-26T19:51:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day (actually excerpt from a poem):
"Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same."
- Flavia Weedn

About a year ago, an RHA President and Vice President handed me a copy of this poem. As I accepted the poem and beautiful flowers, I knew that while I may have left footprints on their hearts, they also left them on mine.

In Student Affairs, we talk so much about being developmental with your staff, making their leadership positions and jobs a "learning experience" for them, helping them grow and and and. But we rarely talk about what we can learn from them, how - whether they plan to or not - they are being "developmental" with us. And we never talk about how you handle this constant "saying-goodbye."

Last year saying goodbye was rough...but that was to be expected. I was leaving grad school, moving into the real world, not just leaving my student leaders. I guess I never thought about the fact that this "saying-goodbye" will continue to go on and on as I will continue to work in Student Affairs.

I wonder if it gets easier with the years. I don't really see some of my more seasoned colleagues go through these emotional rollercoasters at the end of each year. Or maybe they're just better at hiding it.

Enough about "saying goodbye:" I still have one week left with my staff.

You know, it's scary to think that next year, I'll be a "returner." This first year as a new professional just flew by. At the same time, it feels like I've always been here. Do you know that feeling?

Okay, somehow I keep getting sidetracked tonight. I've been looking up YouTube Videos of different Austrian shows (the musical Elisabeth and anything else that Uwe Kroeger was in). What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, so this past year...
I was looking at pictures of earlier in the year (for the slideshow for my staff) and I just remember how we were all still shy and quiet around each other, still testing what we could and could not say...it's strange how in just one year you can become so close and comfortable around a group of people. Then again, we've spent plenty of time together. From all of our staff meetings that used to drag on and on because we just wouldn't shut up - to the staff retreats at the cabin or just having dinner together. And next year, it'll start all over again...

Okay, I feel like I'm just rambling tonight and I'm not really making sense. So I'm going to go, but I will post more again soon.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 14

2007-04-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

Post 14 from Tryin' to Get Paid

My Mood: Tired

Well, another week has closed, and it's one week closer to the end of classes, and one more week closer until I can take some much needed vacation. So, I have been spending my freetime looking at the places I can visit...Orlando? Arizona? Mount Rushmore? LA? Seattle? It depends on my pocketbook, and right now it's saying my vacation will consist of laying on the couch, eating cold pizza and watching re-runs of Jerry Springer. But, I have to remember it's only my first year, and given some time I can take trips to those exotic locations.

Today was our campus' spring extravaganza, or as I call it, the "day of debauchery!" Since I work at a small liberal arts college, the institution has some more room to allow alcohol consumption during major events. This is new territory for me, since I studied and worked at a large public school where alcohol was seen as a substance to be avoided at all costs, due to liability issues and legal impacts. So, as the day approached, I was very wary of all the booze that would be flowing, and ready to play bouncer for all the students trying to sneak in cheap beer...

However, the event turned out to be pretty fun to be at, and there wasn't that much drunkeness as I thought. Everyone seemed to have a lot of fun and to be responsible. Granted, there were a few freshmen with fake ID's (not much effort was put into it...using White-Out on a passport didn't indicate creativity), and only one person was thrown out because he couldn't hold his liquor. I had to admit, I thought these students were habitual drunkards, but I was suprised at their control and maturity, and I have to give them credit.

Since there's only one week left in the school year, it's time for the final year wrapup at work. I'm finishing year-end reports and finalizing my budget reports. Also, all my organizations are having closing banquets, so I'm eating pretty well, and my pants are getting a little tighter. Speaking of that, it's time for another banquet, so I've gotta run. It's frijoles and tostones tonight, and I'm hungry...

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 13

2007-04-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

Post 13 from Tryin' to Get Paid

It has been a long time since I've posted, and for a good excuse, I offer...life. Things have been pretty heavy since I last wrote, and I've been immersed in a lot of campus politics. Since I do campus activities and multicultural services, I've been pulled in two directions, trying to split my time evenly so that I don't short the other arena I hold responsibilities in. Add on top of that a less than sympathetic staff I work with daily, I'm really stressed out and tired. Oh, by the way, it's the end of the semester, and all my student organizations are trying to finish up their end of the year programs. They all want food and other things for their events (so my purchasing card is almost maxed out) and their advisor to attend (I'm barely standing upright). I'm doing my best to keep my head up and be positive, but it is becoming a challenge every day. Today, I got some good advice from my supervisor, cautioning me to take time for myself, so I'm trying to get my work done early, head home, and get some much needed rest.

On top of this...yesterday's scene at Virginia Tech was sobering and shocking at the same time. When I first heard of the shooting, I initially thought it was an isolated incident. But when I was listening to the radio in my office, and the report of multiple casualties came in, I had to stop working and pray. My mind started racing, thinking of my institution's security procedures (or lack thereof) and what to do in an emergency procedures, but then I had to slow my mind down, and focused on my fellow student affairs colleagues at VT and their entire community, and send them my thoughts and prayers. I spent the rest of the day talking to students and colleagues, trying to make sense of the madness. And, I hoped that the rest of the world wouldn't look at VT as a scene of carnage, but as a great institution of higher education with a well-regarded reputation of serving students and educating our future leaders, that will heal together and grow from Monday's events.

For my colleagues at Virginia Tech...stay strong Hokies. You've got a East Coast guy (and long-time VT football fan) thinking of you. If you need anything, just shout; you'll have a whole profession of caring folks ready to lend you a hand, including this guy simply tryin' to get paid.

Learning To Fly - Post 21

2007-04-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"You know you're too big of a fan when...
Before getting up to get something, you always try to summon it first. Accio TV remote!"
- Mugglenet.com

It's my birthday today. I've been 25 for an hour and 6 minutes. And I've already celebrated my birthday in my very own fashion....had some vanilla ice cream, played a Harry Potter Trivia Game online and read through some new articles on Mugglenet.com. Yes, I am obsessed...haha. And I have tried to summon things before..."Accio laptop." And whenever I see mistletoe now, I think, "Careful, it's infested with nargles" and then I giggle to myself. Yeah, people probably thought I was crazy walking around Wal-Mart in December.
Hey, you gotta stay young when you want to work with college students for the rest of your life.
But back to the fact that it's my birthday (did you know that Harry Potter's birthday is on July 31st, 1980...that means he's actually two years older than me...crazy, huh? and hermione was born on Sept. 19, 1979...which means she's older than my sister)...

Two of my RAs stopped by earlier today because they weren't sure if it was my birthday today (well, then yesterday) or tomorrow (now today)...and they wanted to be the first to say happy birthday. One of them came back about 10 minutes after midnight to wish me a happy birthday. SO CUTE! I love my staff!!!
The RHA Executive Board had a transition dinner on Friday and they got me a cake and sang to me. It was so sweet!!! Is anyone still surprised that I love my students and spend way too much time with them? They're just awesome.

Sometimes I worry though...because I know some of my supervisors think I'm too close with my students. I really don't think I am. I spend a lot of time with them...my RAs know they can knock on my door whenever (if it is for help with dealing with an incident, a random questions, something personal or just to say hi), the RHA Exec Boards knows they can IM me even if it's past midnight (only if I'm awake and online obviously...but usually I am)...but I keep that professional line; I mean, if they're breaking the rules (e.g. if they drink underage...which we all know happens, let's just be honest), they can't talk about it in front of me and I better not find out; they know I'm not going to the bar with them; they know I sometimes have to use my official "boss" or "advisor" voice and put my foot down; and I know there's a lot of things I can't talk to them about; but that doesn't mean we can't have a personal connection and have fun together, does it?

Sometimes I think, if I had more friends in the area or a partner or a family, it'd be different. But the way things are, my choice is between hanging out in my apartment by myself (which generally means either watching TV or reading a book or maybe being on the phone with a friend or IMing someone) or hanging out with my students. No wonder, my students often win...or at least I never mind going to a dinner or doing an extra staff development activity or something like that. As nice as it is being in the apartment by yourself, it also gets boring quickly. And especially on your birthday, you kind of want to be around people who like you...so I'm definitely not going to miss the NRHH Inductions tomorrow (or actually later today). It's not like I have anything else to do, right?

You know, birthdays really aren't as exciting anymore as they used to be. No more birthday cake that my mom made; no more sleepover parties with my three best friends; no more surprises (gifts are now "just" money...not that money is a bad thing...it's greatly appreciated...but somehow the surprise and excitement is gone).
I doesn't help that this year, I'm not feeling well at all. My throat hurts and I probably have a fever (don't feel like checking, so I'm just going to assume). I've been lying on my couch all day watching TV and playing around on my laptop. I cough; I sneeze; it's not fun. :(
If it hadn't been for my RHA Exec Board and my RAs, I'd say this birthday is quite dreadful...but they managed to save it and give me at least some happy birthday memories. And then again, it's only 1 AM and I still have another 11 hours to make some happy birthday memories.

I'll let you know how that goes....

Learning To Fly - Post 20

2007-04-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocracy and accomplishment."
- Anonymous

I love conferences. There's nothing like spending several intense days with thousands of excited colleagues, sharing ideas, learning about best practices and new research, meeting new people... You get back so energized and excited. And you remember again why you were interested in this field and why you love this work.

I just came back from the ACPA/NASPA Joint Meeting and I had a fabulous time.
Many of the sessions I went to were very interesting and I picked up some good ideas for my new living learning community for next year. Five former grad students from my cohort were also there, as well as a lot of other colleagues, and it was great to connect again. And then the Dance and the Drag Show...
What else could a girl want? J/K. I know it's really about the sessions and not about the social aspects, but let's be honest, those social things are also great. :) And we all deserve a break once in a while and to just have fun.

I definitely enjoyed the conference a lot more than last year, when I was job searching. Let's be honest, last year I didn't really go to the conference...I was at placement. This year, I actually got to enjoy and experience the different aspects of placement. It helped that I wasn't on the recruitment team for my school...because I don't think my colleagues really got to attend many sessions and get much out of the conference.

I volunteered for Placement one day (Oh how wonderful it was to be on the other side...I wrote cards to the grads from my graduate program going through placement as well as the grads from my current institution...after all, I remember the anxiety and pain well enough); participated in sessions for the directorate body of the commission that I was recently elected to (lots of new things to learn but again, very interesting...I'm still not 100 percent sure how this will all shape out but I'm excited and I've met a lot of great colleagues and that's what matters, right?); and like I said before went to sessions and lots of socials.
I even presented a roundtable together with the program coordinator from my grad program and two other new professionals. It went really well...we had lots of people come (way more than we thought) and they seemed to really enjoy it. It was great! I was so nervous and anxious before (even though I tried to play it off)...after all I had never presented at a national conference...and a joint meeting...I still can't really believe I did that. Crazy! It's like I said in my last post...sometimes you just try to catch up with what's happened to you. Like being an adult...or a new professional...or someone who has presented a roundtable at a Joint Meeting...haha.

Okay, I need to get some sleep soon, but one more quick thing...
So I loved the Joint Meeting thing. I know it was huge, which made logistics challenging...and the food was way too expensive! But it was just nice seeing everyone there and not having to a make a choice for once. And I'm also a big advocate for combining the two organization. I mean, they both do the same thing, so why do they have to be separate? I know there are some philosophical differences, many structural differences and and and...but in the end, both organizations are here to support and educate Student Affairs Professionals. And wouldn't we have a much stronger voice, if we all worked together in one big organization?
And let's be honest, I don't think anyone would complain if we only had to pay one membership fee, right?

Learning To Fly - Post 19

2007-03-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot."
-Michael Althsuler

It's crazy how fast this year has gone by. At the same time, i feel like I've been at my current institution forever. But then again, can you believe that the academic school year is soon coming to an end?

Last week was our Spring Break. Now that we're back, it's been all about planning out the rest of the semester, making sure we end strong and preparing for next year, from getting the newly hired RAs ready for the position to coming up with some plans for my new building and living learning community to putting together training presentations for Fall Training. And then of course we're busy now with interviewing candidates for our full-time positions. Yeah, it's funny thinking back to when I was a candidate (okay, that just sounded like I'm 60 and remembering my chilhood)...but seriously, sometimes I still have to remind myself that I'm an "adult now" and here I am having worked in a full-time position for almost an entire year.

I won't be a "new" staff member anymore next year. There's a lot of turnover in our department this year and scaringly enough, I'll be one of a small number of "experienced returners." Crazy, huh? I'll be presenting a significant number of training presentations. And I was thinking the other day that I should make sure that I reach out to those new staff members and help them in their transition to our institution and this position. Because I really appreciated when staff members did that.

Time really flies...
I know my quote of the day says that the good news is that "you're the pilot." I don't know if I always feel like that. Sometimes it's like you're just trying to catch up with what's happened. Like the fact that I'm an "adult" now. Haha...I guess I'm just stuck on that today. I was talking to one of my RAs and she was telling me how she can't believe that she'll be a senior next year. She's turning 21 this year and she said, she just feels old. Which was kind of funny...and then made me think about when I turned 21 and how long ago that was and then I felt really old. I think sometimes, being surrounded by first-year students and a few upperclassmen just makes you feel really really old...even though I'm the youngest person on our full-time staff.

Okay, enough rambling for today. It's time to sit back and relax and watch some brainless TV. ;)

Learning to Fly - Post 18

2007-02-25T19:33:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"You'll learn more about a road by traveling it than by consulting all the maps in the world."
- Anonymous

Isn't this quote so true? You can read all the Student Affairs literature you want, but you'll never have an understanding of what positions in our field are like until you've actually worked for a while.

Similarly, you can read all the books about being an international student but you'll never understand what it's like until you've actually gone to a different country and dealt with the stereotypes and the bureaucracy of receiving a visa and and and. Of course, it's not all bad. There's also the amazing experience of really getting to know a different culture, of becoming so familiar with a new language that you start thinking and dreaming in that language, making new friends that are so different than your friends at home and and and. But I'll tell you all about that some other time.

I have had a "vent session" about being an international student in a while, so I thought it was once again time to do so. Especially since, once again, I'm going through the scary process of applying for a visa.

Here are some of the facts: I came here in 2000 on an international student visa (valid for 5 years or until I finished my studies). I graduated in 2004 from undergrad and decided to go straight to grad school because then I simply had to extend my visa, which was just the easiest thing at the time. After two years, I graduated from grad school and applied for the OPT (Optional Practical Training). That allows me to work full-time for one year after I graduated in the field of my studies. So that's what I'm on right now.

Now, the institution I'm working at is applying for an H1B visa for me, which will allow me to work for 3 years (and I could apply for another 3 years after that). Fortunately, the department I'm working at has gone through this process with another employee last year, so they have some experience with all this. They've already started the whole process, as last year, it took a little longer than they expected. So far so good.

Now everything should be fine. And I try to keep telling myself that. But then again (and I'm sure you've noticed that if you've been reading my blog for a while) I'm the kind of person who is still going to worry. It's just that I have absolutely no control over all this. What if the school messes something up and the paperwork doesn't go through...or doesn't go through on time? What if, for some reason, the application is denied?

I try not to think about it too much because I'd just drive myself insane. But what's annoying - and what I really wanted to talk about today - are those comments from colleagues, who just have no idea what I'm going through.

For example, when we had to submit our letters of intent: Knowing that I needed the institution to apply for this visa for me, I didn't even think twice about indicating that I was interested in coming back. Yes, I like my job and I'd probably be coming back anyway. But because of this whole visa thing, I don't really have a choice. If I applied for another job, I probably wouldn't find out whether or not I'm hired until much later in the semester and then it'd be too late to submit the paperwork to get a visa for a Fall start date. And my current institution couldn't submit a visa application for me if I didn't tell them that I was coming back. So this really wouldn't work.
I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I was totally planning on coming back anyway. And I'm so grateful to my current institution to going through the whole hassle of applying for a visa for me!!!
The reason I'm telling you is that some of my colleagues made comments, after we submitted those letters, questioning why I was so certain that I'd be coming back next year. And some of them asked me, if I wasn't even looking if there was something better out there. I know, they probably didn't mean it in a bad way at all...it's just one of those instances where I realized how little Americans know about what it's like to be an international student and repeatedly have to go through this whole frustrating visa application process. This is already something I dread, something I have nightmares about, so unless you're ready to hear me rant about the frustrations of applying for a visa, don't ask about it!!!

Oh and what I absolutely love are those comments like, "Why don't you apply for citizenship?" Okay, here you've just proven that you have not the slightest the idea of what you're talking about. You can't just apply for citizenship. You need to be a permanent resident for four years prior to doing so...and while I've been in this country for almost 7 years now, all of those were on "temporary visas," so none of these years count. I'm also not fortunate enough to have close relatives here or to be getting married to an American citizen any time soon.

I also indicated in my letter of intent that I was planning on staying for two more years. Now, some people immediately thought I did this to improve my chances of getting the living learning community I wanted. Granted, I did include it because I was hoping to do so. But it wasn't a political, sly move; it's what I am really planning on doing. If this institution goes through the pain and the costs of applying for a visa for me, the least I can do is stick around for a little while and give something back to the department, isn't it? And let's be honest, job-searching itself isn't that much fun to begin with...add the citizen of another country component and it's pure torture. The longer I can avoid this the better.

Okay, so what's the point to my little vent session?
If you ever work with a citizen of another country, don't try to give them "good advice" unless you really know about the visa/citizenship application process. You're just going to make yourself look like a fool and make that person feel frustrated and annoyed. If you don't know, ask!
And just realize that little decisions, that don't seem to matter much to you, can be a huge deal for someone in that situation. Life's just a little harder when you weren't born in this country but are, for some weird reason, stuck on the idea that you want to stay here. You know, every other day, I ask myself why I even want to be here. The country or at least the country's government obviously doesn't want foreigners here anymore. And sometimes I even question if its citizens do...

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 12

2007-02-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

Post 12 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Yeah, it's been a while since I last wrote, but when you have to handle some campus crisis and take students to a conference, you get a little busy. Plus, I've had the flu, and that really kicked my behind. But, through all of this, I'm trying to keep my head held high. Some of my colleagues have really helped me through these past few weeks, and I'm really appreciative, whereas others probably haven't realized that I still work here (that's another discussion, which I might dive into in this post).

But, I have two things to rant about. Positive first!
1) I sat in my first class here, just to get the student experience. I met a professor in History, had coffee, realized he was a huge ally for multiculturalism, and he offered me an open invitation to sit in his seminar. Since I finally had time, I went and observed. Wow. First, the dialogue in his Critical Race Theory course was so deep, I was moved by what was said. One kid brought up a theory correlating Marcus Garvey's movement to move back to Africa to his espoused thoughts of facism. And, these students were using words and phrases I never heard of. I had to go back to my office and look in the dictionary to find the meanings of the words these students were saying. It gave me a deeper sense of what the "liberal arts" education really means, and gave me a different perspective of what a college class is like, since mine were vastly different. I think I'll keep going, with my friend Webster's in tow. Plus, I had Hmong food for the first time. Our school has a new Hmong student club, and as their advisor, I was invited to their celebratory cook-out. I brought an ice-cream cake to celebrate, and everyone had a good time.

2) I finally realized, after a while, that I work with an interesting bunch of professionals, and the dynamic I'm in poses so many challenges. For info's sake, I work with three other professionals and two graduate students. I am the only person of color and one of two males in our unit. The other man and myself went to state schools (um, more like "Moo State U" for our rural locales) out of state, whereas the women went to the same graduate program at the local Catholic university. I am the first in my family to achieve a higher education (master's or bachelor's), whereas the women are not. There are so many other factors that come into play, and when a crisis occurs, it makes conflict more interesting. We've had discussions on race and ethnicity, and my colleagues and I are on two completely islands. I tried to let them know the life is kinda different for a person of color (from my perspective)and about privledge (you know, the things we learned in our grad programs), but I might have been too strong in my conversations, because now nobody wants to talk about it. Part 2 continued below...

With our campus crisis that occured a couple of weeks ago, I was the first staff member to be informed by students, conduct some intelligence gathering, and pass it on to the appropriate personnel. This event crossed soooooo many boundaries (which I cannot divulge) that really affected a good portion of the student body. And when many come to my office and tell me moving stories, it takes a toll...and when I try to talk to my colleagues about it, I don't get a lot of sympathy or feedback. My supervisor has been wonderful during this situation; he has given me the space to vent, cry, and just talk. However, with everyone else, they just kind of walk past my office and don't even bother a wave or a nod. It's like I'm not even here.

I could be bothered by the "silence", and wonder if I'm acting like a professional, or whether I should let this situation roll off my back like water on a duck. I guess it's a challenge that I, as a new professional, has to face. I guess it takes time to repair relationships, and all I'm tryin' to do is give space and pause, and hope things get better.

Learning to Fly - Post 17

2007-02-21T20:16:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to."
- Jimi Hendrix

In Student Affairs, we talk a lot about learning and growing, not just when it comes to our students but also ourselves; from professional development opportunities to conversations with your supervisor about how to best prepare for your next position.
And while I think this is a great and wonderful thing about our field, it can also be very frustrating and annoying when it isn't done right.

Let me explain.

We often have to submit these "preference" sheets/letters. If it is for placements for the following year, committee assignments, and so on. But in the end, it's not our decisions where we'll be placed or what committees we get to serve on. I understand that from an administrative point, there's no other way of assigning these things...and of course, you'll never be able to make everyone happy...but what bothers me is the way these decisions are sometimes made.

I don't think I'm really explaining this well, so let me try with a specific example...
I've spent a lot of time thinking about committee assignments for next semester. Many returning staff members will want to chair committees. And so should I...after all that's one of those experiences that you should get when you work in ResLife, right? But I also want to continue working with RHA and I know that I'll never be allowed to do both because both are a big time commitment.
Now, I know they need to take into consideration what other staff members want - maybe give a new person a chance - I understand all that. But I get frustrated when I get the feeling that people want to force me to chair a committee because they think it'll be the better professional development opportunity for me and it'll supposedly be better for me in the long run.

This hasn't really happened yet (although some comments have been made) and part of it is just my own paranoia. But similar things happened in grad school. I was assigned to a specific residential area because I was told it'd be the better professional experience for me. But it was an area that I had no interest in; so I spent an entire year being miserable; and then even had a hard time finding the kind of jobs I was looking for because I had the wrong kind of experience.

I appreciate that supervisors and other mentors have more experience and want to share that with me. I appreciate their concern about my professional development. But I also believe that my professional development should be MY CHOICE. It's my life afterall (Okay, now I sound like a four-year-old...haha).
But seriously: Point out to me why you think the other experience may be better for me. Question me why I want to do certain things. But don't give me something I didn't want and then tell me you did it because it was best for me. If you need me there, put me there...but at least me be honest and tell me that it was because it was the best for the department. I'll have a much better attitude about something, if I know that it was just something that had to happen for the better of the department or institution than if I feel like you're forcing your opinion on me, that you're babying me and telling me what's best for me. Maybe it'll make you feel better, as you're not giving me what I want, to pretend that it was best for me...but in my mind, that's just chickening out.
Yeah, so maybe I don't always know what's best for me...maybe I'll regret some of the choices I made years later. But at least, if I was the one who made the choice, the only person I can be mad at is me. But if you forced me to do something and told me you did for because "it was best for me," I'm just going to resent you, be bitter and frustrated.

So let me live my life; it's my life afterall.

Learning To Fly - Post 16

2007-02-15T11:39:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
- Herm Albright

So, I have to admit, I've been struggling with this positive attitude lately. I'm not sure what's going on. I don't really have a reason to be grumpy - at least nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual stupid little things - but I just can't help it lately.

Work has been slow, and to be honest, kind of boring. I haven't had much to do - something I'm definitely not used to. More than once over the past few days, I've been sitting in my office trying really hard to think of something that I need to do. I mean, there's things I could be doing. Like preparing for training presentations for next Fall (yeah, right...like that's going to happen). Or reviewing my RA expectations for next year and fixing those (but I can't really do that without first having met with my grad student for next year...she's a returner, so I want to make sure to involve her more in some of this planning). I've decided to host a huge Safety program next month - in an attempt to have a little more to do - but even those things are basically taken care of.
I think, what's killing me, isn't so much the not having anything to do, but the waiting for other people. I have to do those training presentations with other staff members and half of them haven't responded to my e-mails yet, so we don't even have a meeting set up to start discussing our presentations. I'm on this committee and was working on a project, but I had to wait for my committee chair to get me some more information, which still hasn't really happened. I'm waiting for presenters for the Safety program to call me back but again, nothing much coming my way from them. So basically, I just sit around and wait and get annoyed.

For advising the Residence Hall Association, we've come up with this "wonderful" adviser rotation...so we wouldn't have to go to all the meetings. Yeah, that may have been helpful in the Fall when I worked 14 hours a day...now it's useless. If I don't go to the meeting, I sit at home in front of the TV and wonder what's going on at the meeting. So lately, I've just gone, even when it isn't my turn. What are they going to do? Fire me for doing too much?

You know, here's what I struggle with: I struggle with being a new professional - in my first year at a new institution - and with finding my place in this department. I don't know yet when it's okay to say something and when it's better not to say anything. I don't know who to talk to when I'm unhappy with the way we are doing things or have ideas to get something changed. I don't want to give this new department and their traditional ways of doing things a chance, but I also don't want to just accept how we do things. I have new ideas; I think there's ways we could improve; I just don't know if it's my turn yet to suggest those changes...and how hard to push for them when I come across resistence.
I don't want to be that overexcited new professional who wants to change everything but I also don't want to just accept the way things are if I truly feel that they are not working. You know what I mean?

How do you find a balance?

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 11

2007-02-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

Post 11 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: Cold...very cold
Music: Lupe Fiasco "I Gotcha"

You know, I think I made a mistake moving to the upper Midwest to find a job...I completely neglected the fact that, around the months of December-Feb., it gets cold. It gets really cold. I had never felt cold like this, the kind that hits your face and it just doesn't hurt...it's like a teething 6 month old chewing on any uncovered part of your cheeks over and over and over. I remember being a child and not wanting to wear thermals because they used to itch my skin (these are the days before microfiber clothing), and my father told me "smart men dress for the season, not for the feeling", and his words never rang more true until today. Did you know temperatures can go into the negatives?

Well, as for work, I had my first campus crisis this past week. Some of you are wondering, he hasn't had his first crisis until now? Well, the nature of my work involves event planning and one-on-one developmental discussions, and I haven't had to delve into the world of crisis management...until last week. The details I cannot divulge...but as we professionals can guess, it started with a group of students not using their better judgment and acting in a fashion that a lot of their peers didn't think was a good idea, or was in a deeper sense very insensitive. In this case, our friend alcohol might have been involved. And now, with the fallout, this group in question is trying to rationalize their decisions (this is where Kohlberg's Moral Development comes into play...I'm glad I read it). So now, I'm working with a group of colleagues on how to handle this situation, and I've been tasked to discuss with students on this situation. I've had some interesting conversations, and I'm beginning to see the diversity of thought in the student interactions. I kind of had this idea in my mind that all the students here had the same thought processes, due to the reputation my institution had of attracting folks here. But, this incident has made me realize that I was short-sighted in my thoughts, and in a way I kinda feel like a fool for doing so.

Despite this situation, I am suprised that I've kept my cool and had some interesting discussions with folks across the campus. When I first heard the news, I wanted to throw a chair across the room, ala Bobby Knight. But, when I could have marched across campus and grabbed the students by their ears, I had to remind myself of a little thing called due process, and no matter what my temper was, this was an educational opportunity. So, my theory training kind of kicked in, and I went into, as my supervisor called it, "challenge and support mode". I'm glad I went into that mode and this situation has been relatively easy to handle, because if I went off on these kids like a raving lunatic, I'd be in the cold really quick, and ya'll know how much I hate the cold...

Learning To Fly - Post 15

2007-02-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

No Quote of the Day today, but a little announcement:
The release date for Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows is July 21st, 2007.
[That made not just my day or my week but my year...haha. Yes, I'm OBSESSED.]

It's Friday, 5 PM, and after a very unproductive day, I've decided to just give up on trying to get work done.
I'm just hanging out in the office now...waiting for it to be 6 PM because that's when I told my staff I would go to dinner with them.

With not being as busy this semester, I've been having a lot of time to think - not always a good thing, let me tell you - and the more think, the more confused I get.

Here are some of the topics that have been roaming around in my head:

1) A lot of my colleagues are thinking about leaving the institution - either after their second year or even their first. Now, I've always been told that three years is the perfect time for you to stay in an entry-level position. I also didn't enjoy the stress of job searching last year, so the longer I can avoid going through that again the better. And you know, it concerns me that my colleagues are all ready to get out - not necessarily because they feel like it's their time to move on to bigger or better things (which would be fine) but because they feel it's time for them to get out of here. And that's a concern! What's going to happen to our department if nobody stays for more than one or two years?

So why do all these people decide to leave?
a) The live-in position: I know many of them are getting frustrated with living in. The being-on-duty 24-hours a day. While we have a staff member on duty for the campus, my institution has this culture where you're expected to be available for emergencies in your building after hours. Your staff will call you first before they call the staff member on duty. I highly doubt many of mine even know that phone number. And then there's the fact that our office phone lines also ring in our apartments. Bad idea! How are you supposed to have balance when you're expected to be available 24-hours a day, 7 days a week?
I think there could be some relatively simple answers here...don't have our office phone lines ring in the aparment for one; change the culture so that the staff member on duty is the first person to be called in an emergency; build apartments that are a little bit more separated from the building (Mine was just renovated this year but now it's in a men's corridor...actually right across from their bathroom...I'm sure you can imagine what Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights are like when my residents return from off-campus parties at 3 or 4 AM.).

b) Frustrations with the position: Mmmm, this one's harder to address.
There's the stress-factor. We all were insanely busy in the Fall semester. This semester is going better, but still....
Then there's the feeling of being unable to change anything. Yeah, we're still new here - mostly new professionals straight out of grad school - so it's understandable that we don't have a say in everything. And we are given quite a lot of autonomy when it comes to our buildings (at least compared to my previous institution), but when it comes to department-wide things you often feel like "things are done to you" instead of "you doing them." I'm talking about training for example...suddenly, a central staff member has to be involved with each training presentation. While we all know that our student staff training is AWFUL and our staff doesn't learn anything in those big lecture-presentations, we don't really get an opportunity to change that. And I'm even on the Training Committee. But it seems like my role consists more of reserving rooms and making the program look pretty. What a waste of time!!! (Sorry, I'm extremely frustrated about this, in case you haven't noticed.) And sometimes, you just feel powerless - unable to say what you really think or try to improve something or provide constructive criticism - because you know all ResLife departments are all about politics and who likes who and maybe the person that you're frustrated with is good friends with an Associate Director.... Yeah, those politics.... Wouldn't life be AMAZING without that???

It's tough. I like my job (most days) and I love the students here (or at least the student leaders, like my RAs and the RHA Exec Board). But I can definitely understand why some people are thinking about leaving....

Here's another topic I've been pondering:
2) Why are we so competitive with each other? Why can't we just be happy for each other?
You have those colleagues, who're supposed to be not just colleagues but friends. But as soon as it's about your placement for next year or a departmental or even regional/national award or just positive feedback from your coordinator, we turn into hyanas and stab each other in the back.

I've attracked some pretty nasty comments lately - and I'm not even sure if my "wonderful" colleagues are realizing how hurtful these have been.
So I've gotten the placement for next year that I wanted. And let me tell you, I really really wanted it. So I followed every step in the process and did everything anyone suggested. Which meant talking to my supervisor about my preferences for placement, meeting with the central staff members who work with that community and based on their suggestion meeting with another staff member in the division of Student Affairs who is also active with this community. Now, you need to know something about me: I don't like networking. I am awful in these "social" situations where you're supposed to make professional advances. I will never "suck up" to anyone...not because I don't want to but because I'm physically incapable of doing so.
And was very self-conscious when setting up any of these meetings and had to literally force myself to do that.
So when I got my placement, I was obviously exstatic. And not much could get to me...but a well-placed "Yeah, you were playing the politics for that one..." did leave a little scar.

I know we won't all be friends - I'm not that naive - but why can't we at least be civil. We're in Student Affairs. We should be SUPPORTIVE of each other!!!

Learning to Fly - Post 14

2007-01-26T18:43:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"Be the change you want to see in the world."
- Mahatma Gandhi

Hey,
Thanks for the comments. I really appreciate them. And it helps so much to hear that I'm not the only going through all this...

But today, I have a little story for you...

So I've told you that I was superanxious about my placement for next year. I just really really wanted this one living learning community...it just felt like the right place for me, you know.
Well, this Monday, central staff met to discuss and decide our placements. But then we of course still had to wait for the letters.
I somehow managed to get through Monday night and even got so distracted with work (reading through RA Candidate files since selection was today, Friday) that I totally forgot about it on Tuesday. Until we had our team meeting and our coordinator told us that the placement letters had been delayed but should be in our mailboxes Wednesday morning. She also asked us, if we wanted her to e-mail us as soon as the letters were in the mailboxes. Well, I'm sure you can imagine what my answer was...

But here's where "crazy Me" started to come out again. My coordinator had looked kind of serious when she asked whether I wanted her to e-mail me when the letters came out or not. But then, when I said yes really really quickly, she kind of laughed. So what did that mean? Was she that serious because she knew I'd be disappointed when I got my letter? Or did the laugh mean that I had gotten my first choice? What did it mean?
I continued to obsess for the rest of the night. I couldn't fall asleep until 3 AM. No wonder I was exhausted when my alarm clock rang at 7:30 AM. I got up and dragged myself to the office. The first thing I did was check my e-mail. I didn't really expect the letters to be there yet...but it didn't hurt to check. No, no e-mail from my coordinator.

I had a meeting with my graduate assistant to discuss RA Candidates. Throughout the meeting, I kept glancing at my computer to see if I'd gotten any new e-mails. Whenever I heard the sound that tells me that I've got new mail, I broke off in mid-sentence and checked really quickly what it was.
Still nothing at 10 AM. I couldn't sit still anymore. Fortunately, I had another meeting...to talk about publicity for the Tunnel of Oppression. So I went there; we worked for a little while; but then were done early. I had a meeting with my RHA Co-Advisor, one of the coordinators, at 11 AM in the central office. I didn't want to be too early...what if the letters weren't in yet? I'd be all jumpy and nervous and I really didn't need the central staff to see me like that. I went to the bathroom before the meeting and just took my time. I stared in the mirror, fixed my hair (not that I managed to make it look any better), practiced my poker face for when I'd open the letter, ....
Almost 11 AM. I took a deep breath and went into the office. Still nothing. I had the meeting with my RHA Co-Advisor. He just also happens to be the coordinator of the living learning community (LLC) I was trying to get. That didn't help. Throughout the whole meeting, all I kept thinking was, "Did I get it?" He smiles...in my head I'm going "Does that mean I got my LLC?"
It's really hard to form a coherent sentence when in your head you're obsessing about every move and facial expression of the other person; trying to read what it means. Good news? Bad news?

The meeting was over. Still nothing. What was going on? Where they trying to torture me???
My hands start shaking when I get really nervous (I used to play piano and I'd get terrible stagefright...let me tell you, it's not easy to play piano when your hands are shaking...I also get that nervous twitch in my right foot. Very weird!). Well, my foot wasn't twitching yet, but I had to push my hands all the way down in the pockets of my jacket to stop them from shaking.

I dragged myself back to my office. I'd much rather just camped out right in front of the mailboxes, but that would have looked a little awkward, don't you think?
I tried to distract myself. It didn't work. The next hour and a half is a blur. I don't really remember if I had anything for lunch. I must have eaten something...not sure. I tried to prepare for my Career Development course that I'm teaching (at 2 PM, Mondays & Wednesdays). I would be typing up a quick outline for the course. The next thing I remember is I was sitting there staring out the window. What happened? What was I doing there? I had to force myself to look back at the computer screen and continue working. My e-mail (Eudora) checks itself every few minutes...I couldn't wait that long. I kept checking the mail. Why hadn't my coordinator e-mailed me yet? What were they playin' at?

A new IM window pops up.
"Go check your mail."
It's one of my colleagues and friends.
"What?"
"The letters are in. We just got an e-mail."
I checked my mail. How could I have missed that? No, I didn't have an e-mail yet? Was anything wrong with my e-mail? I checked again. There, a new mail. Oh yes, that was it...
It just said "The Placement letters are in."

I check the time. It's 1:30 PM. I have class at 2 PM. I haven't finished my class outline yet (fortunately, I'll have a guest speaker but I should have gone over some assignments and reminders). I really had to finish that first. My mind had gone blank. I couldn't think...
Like a robot, I continued what I was doing.

The phone rang.
"Are you rushing over there yet?"
Another one of my colleagues and friends. Maybe I shouldn't have told them all how much I wanted that community. If I didn't get it, they'll all be sad for me and supportive...and it'd only make me feel more awful.
"I need to finish my stuff for class, but then I'm running over."
"Okay. I'm going to let you go then."

Yes, done! I hit print, grab my bag, throw the class outline in it, put on a coat...and off we go.
I rush over to the office. I have to stop myself from running; I don't want to be totally out of breath when I get there.
There I am. The entrance to the office. I take a deep breath. I rush down the corridor. My coordinator is sitting in her office. I look down and go straight to the mailboxes...there's some flyers...and here's the letter. I grab it. I turn around, not looking up. I rush down the hallway, avoiding eye contact at all cost as I'm passing people's offices.
I'm outside. My hands are now definitely shaking. I can barely open the envelope. I pull out the letter. I hesitate for a second. This is it! I take a deep breath and...
"Congratuations.....leadership."
Suddenly, I have tears in my eyes. My hands are still shaking. I almost drop the letter. I just stand there, staring at those two words...."congratulations...leadership." Does it really mean what I think it means? I can't grasp it.

Shoot, I have class in a few minutes. Still clasping the letter firmly in both hands, I start walking again. I read as I'm walking. "Tentatively housed in [Building Name]...blah blah blah...training preparation dates...blah blah blah..." I'll read it later. I go back to the first sentence. Is it true?

Somehow I made it to class that day. I was even a few minutes early. Enough to call my friend and leave her a slightly incoherent but extremely happy voicemail.

Class starts. Yay for guest speakers! I don't know how I would have made it through class otherwise.
I was sitting at the side, my class notes in front of me...right nex to the letter. Every few minutes, I looked over...just to check...yes, it was still there. Was I dreaming? Did it really mean what I thought? Or was I reading the letter wrong? I checked again. No, there it was.

I don't think I've really grasped it yet. People keep congratulating me (not like I really did anything...I just, for once, was lucky and got my preference); friends keep calling; colleagues asking where I'm at and what I think about it. I give the standards answers, "I'm so excited." "Yeah, I'm so happy." "It's gonna be great." But those words just don't describe how I feel. No words could.
It's like this feeling, this happiness or whatever you want to call it, is so big that I can't feel it all at once. I just feel numb. I can't believe it's true. I'm really going to be working with this community next year.

I mean I've been loving my job this year. Yeah, there's stressful times; there's problems with staff members; there's loud noise in my corridor that keeps me up at night; there's frustrations about not accomplishing anything in pointless meetings about my current living learning community; there's disagreements with colleagues; and and and. But overall, I love it.
Can you imagine how much more amazing it'll be next year when I'll have a living learning community that I'm actually passionate about???

These past few days have, once again, been just a blur. Randomly, some idea for next year will come to my mind...I grab the next piece of paper or post-it note and write it down. Every once in a while, I still question if this is really true. So I've been carrying the letter around with me...just so I can check...you know, just to make sure.

Wow, writing this has been so weird. It's like, now it's really true because I'm posting it on this Blog.

There's only one little black cloud in this whole blue sky (okay, this was the worst metaphor ever but I think I'm much more creative when I'm depressed...maybe that's why most genuises had an awful life...):
Not everyone's been happy with their placements. And I feel like I can't celebrate and be excited in front of some people, because I don't want to make them feel worse. I know, two years (in grad school) when I didn't get any of my preferences for placement, I was seriously bitter. And anyone else being happy about their placement only made me more bitter because I kept questioning why they got their choice and I didn't. What had I done wrong? I felt awful. I don't want to make anyone feel like that.
But I also can't help smiling right now. I want to jump up and down. I want to laugh and scream. I want to do cartwheels.
Instead, I try to do the professinal thing...answer short and brief when asked about placement...acknowledge my excitement but wait for the "dance of joy" till I get back to the solitude of my apartment. But there, I have to admit, I did a little dance and jumped up and down a couple times.

I still can't believe it...

Learning to Fly - Post 13

2007-01-22T20:34:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real."
- Tupac Shakur

So...it's been a while. It feels like winter break was forever ago and I'm already ready for another break. This semester has been busy, even though not as stressful as last semester was. I definitely have a lot more free time...I'm just not sure what to do with myself. I haven't really found that group of friends here yet. All my friends from grad school and undergrad are far away. I'm as always single. So the people I spend the most time with are my RAs and RHA students, but that doesn't always work either since I am their supervisor and just can't tag along for certain things...and I wouldn't want to be that creepy hall director who follows her RAs everywhere. So yeah, it tends to get a little lonely around here.
I've spent my days reading (from Jane Austein's Pride & Prejudice, to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - all four books now - and Eragon). The problem with me and reading is that I get too sucked into my books and then I stay up too late and am tired the next day at work. And as much as I love my books and could spend days or even weeks just lying on my bed reading, sometimes I do need some human interaction.
I know partially it's my own fault. I'm a workaholic...not just a regular workaholic but totally to the extreme. I love my job and I care about my students...so that's all I do. Even when I'm at home, I think about what I could do at work the next day or fun things I could do with my students. I read Student Affairs literature. I make elaborate door decorations for my staff. And and and.
And now, one semester into the new job in a new state - far away from my friends - I'm starting to realize that I kind of missed my opportunity to make new friends. By now, everyone else seems to have these set groups of friends, and while I get to tag along for all-staff outings or birthday parties, I'm not really invited for the small, more intimate gatherings. I just get to hear about them the next day.
It doesn't help that I don't drink either. I honestly have nothing against drinking (well, I hate when people drink too much or drunk driving and these things...but if you want to have a couple drinks - Hey, go for it!) but for some reason people seem to be uncomfortable around me because I don't drink. At least that's the impression I'm getting.
It's kind of ironic because I used to be the "party girl." I remember one year, when I was Orientation Leader, I was called into the office of my supervisor because she was worried about me going out too much. Apparently I needed to be more awake during training sessions and a better role model for my colleagues as well as the first-year students. But I always believed that since I didn't drink and didn't do anything really stupid, I was role modeling how to have fun without being under the influence of alcohol. And I think that's a pretty cool thing to role-model. Well, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who thinks so.
I just don't get it...my friends from high school never care if I drink or not. They actually love it because it means that I can be the designated driver and they don't have to worry about anything. And they know me...I'll do stupid things with them even when I'm sober. To be honst, I act a lot more stupid when I am sober because I'm not worried about how the alcohol is affecting my judgement.

Okay, how did I get started on this topic again? Oh yeah, I've been a little lonely lately.
*Sigh.* Life will go one, right?

I'm also terribly anxious right now. We just had to hand in our letters of intent and our learning community preferences. And today, the central staff decided which building we'll be in. And I really really really want to be in a different learning community next year. I mean, there's just one that totally fits my personality, my values, my professional goals...it's just PERFECT.
I've been trying really hard not to get too attached, so that I wouldn't be too disappointed. But let's be honest, if I don't get it, I'm gonna be crushed.
I mean, I had to go through this whole internal placement process for my second year of grad school. We had to rank the eight or nine options there were for grad students, and then write a two-page explanation why we wanted to be in these areas. I put so much time and effort into it...because to be honest, there was one area I just really really really didn't want to get stuck in. I ranked that one as my last choice and even explained in the letter why I didn't want to be there. And guess what happened...I got that one of course. And it was horrible. I was miserable all year. And when your job's your life, it sucks when you're unhappy at your job, you know.
I think that experience scarred me for life. I'm seriously terrified now. I just feel like I'm not going to get what I want and I'm going to be destroyed. Or maybe I'm just trying to tell myself that I won't get what I want, so I won't get my hopes up. But I know, subconsciously, I'm still hoping for that specific learning community. Does that make any sense?

Why am I such a drama queen? And why do I take things so to heart? This should just be a job, right? But it's not...it's so much more!!!

AHHHH, I'm going to drive myself crazy.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 10

2007-01-15T09:08:00.000-08:00

Post 10 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: It's too damn cold...
Music: John Legend "Save Room"
How's Arsenal Doing?: 4th place in F.A. Premiership (23 fixtures played, 42 points)

It's been a while, but I've been on holiday. And, since today is MLK Day, I'm on holiday again. I should be the responsible person and spend my day thankful for the many blessings Dr. King gave me, my family, and my future children, but I have to spend much of my day digging out. We recieved 5 inches of snow on top of 1/4 inch of ice, so driving is pretty dangerous. You know, I have a colleague who's working at a campus in California, just 5 minutes away from the beach, and 30 minutes from L.A. I'm just 6 steps away from a 5 foot snowdrift...granted if I can take 6 steps in this snow. I've never been so jealous in my life.

Since the spring semester doesn't start for another two weeks, I've spent most of my time catching up on the ever-important paperwork and trying to find additional funding sources for my cultural organizations. Beyond that, I have never surfed the internet more in my life. In fact, I HATE the internet now, because there's nothing good out there except junk. But, I found the new car I want (2007 Nissan Altima with and intelligent-key remote start) and I know how long it will take to get it. Just another 8 month of eating mac and cheese, and I'll be rollin' in style...

Well, the internet beckons me for more useless searching...until next time...

Learning to Fly - Post 12

2007-01-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"Sisterhood is the essense of all the wisdom of the ages, distilled into a single word. You cannot see sisterhood, neither can you hear it nor taste it. But youc an feel it a hundred times a day. It's someone to share with, to celebrate your achievements."
- Anonymous

Hello and welcome back!
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and a relaxing break.

I closed my building on Dec. 15th, so I've spent the past couple of weeks doing absolutely nothing and loving it. I actually stayed in my building all through break - and no, you don't have to feel sorry for me for spending the holiday season alone because I had the best time of my life. I would wake up in the late morning, stay in bed and read until I got hungry, then make a quick breakfast, move to the living room, read some more, maybe watch some TV in the afternoon or early evening, write some e-mails to friends, practice playing the piano for half an hour or so, maybe go running or do some dance exercise tape (I always get ambitious over break to stay in shape...as soon as work starts again though I'm very quick to drop that) followed by a nice long shower, eventually crawl into bed and read some more until I would fall asleep. It was WONDERFUL!

Now I'm back at work. Our buildings actually opened on January 2nd for sorority recruitment. That means, the female residents who are interested in sororities come back to attend a variety of Open Houses with various sororities. After the Open Houses (where they have to visit all sororities), they are invited back to First Round Interviews for a few sororities. Then it goes on to Second Round Interviews, etc.
So I've been having over 50 residents in my building already, even though we don't officially open until Sunday. One of my RAs came on Jan. 1st to help me with sorority recruitment (basically be on duty at night) and the rest of them returned yesterday or today. We had some training today; we're doing "fun stuff" tomorrow; more training on Sunday and then it's "BACK TO REALITY."

But let's chat a little bit more about this sorority recruitment business. Tonight, the first cuts happened. The women going through the process received their schedules for this weekend, which told them what sororities invited them back. The residents in my building are split into three groups, each one led by a "Greek Life Guide" (a current sorority member). So tonight, they were waiting in the lounges of my buildings for their Greek Life Guide to show up and hand them their schedules. And of course afterwards, there was an "explosion" of feelings and emotions - some of them were invited back to all the ones they wanted and are exstatic right now; others didn't get the ones they wanted and are close to tears; some got 12 interviews and are stressed over having to do so many; while others got only 4 or 5 and feel like they aren't as good as their friends.

As staff, we've been told that there is a sorority for everyone and that in the end, almost all students will get into one sorority...as long as they keep an open mind. And I'm sure it will work out for my residents...and even if they don't get the sorority they want, they'll find a way to deal with it and maybe explore other leadership opportunities on campus...but it seems like a really nerve-racking and cruel process. Never having worked with Greek Life and not having been affiliated to any Greek organizations myself, I am struggling to find ways to support my residents. It's one of those things where, when you haven't experienced it yourself, it's challenging to relate and to know what to say. I'm sure Greek Life here is doing everything they can to make the process as pleasant for the women as possible...but it's just so sad to see them all upset over having been cut after the Open House or because of not having received as many invites as their roommate or best friend.

And I have to admit, it was one of those things I was entirely unprepared for. Yeah, I knew this school had a much bigger and prominent Greek Life community than any school I've worked at before. But I didn't know what that really meant...and how that'd affect me.

Well, let's keep our fingers crossed that we make it through sorority recruitment without too many tears.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 9

2006-12-24T07:44:00.000-08:00

Post 9 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: One more day to Christmas!!!
Music: Chuck Brown "Merry Christmas Baby"

Well, I finally escaped from work (actually, I filed my vacation paperwork and gave my handshakes to colleagues, wishing them a joyous holiday season) and I'm home. Back to crab cakes and Dunkin' Donuts. Plus, I got to see my nephew that I haven't seen since he was 1 month old. Now, he's 8 months old, has some teeth, and is babbling a lot. It's really cute, and I get a great smile out of it. It's finally good to see him in person; when work begins to get to me, I look at his pictures that I have in my office and it keeps me grounded.

Now I'm finally realizing that I've survived my first semester working full-time. To tell you the truth, I've really enjoyed it (plus the steady paycheck...hence my name). I will admit, the long nights at student organization meetings weren't as fun as advertised, and getting phone calls late at night when I'm on call (the kitchen door won't lock...what do we do?) aren't the most enjoyable thing on my mind when the phone rings. However, I've really enjoyed the conversations I've had with my students. I can honestly say that I've expanded my mind on many fronts just by talking to students and seeing the world through my eyes. I now understand why they have protested on having non-hormonal milk in the cafeteria, or expanding financial aid's reach to lower-income students, and even the dissention of building a new athletic facility to replace a 90-year old building that is falling down (not literally...I hope). At first, I felt a little uneasy about coming to a place that had a massive reputation of being trendy and insightful of thought. However, once I got past my shock-and-awe that I was in such an environment, my mind has expanded to great lengths, and it really helps me in developing their minds and judgements when I can meet them where they're thinking and see the world the way they do.

As a professional, I don't know if I'm still learning the job or if I'm finally in the groove of things. There are tasks I can roll full steam on, then there's tasks I'm completely dumbfounded on where to start. Working with students of color is a strong suit for me, but looking at artist contracts and dealing with agents is still a struggle. It's hard to keep in mind that some things are new to me, and every situation I handle is one that I can learn and reflect (ugh, that "r" word) upon. I think I spend too much time what my colleagues think, but I know that I have a few that understand my newness to the field and the challenges that I face. But, being the kind of person I am, I will keep moving, because nothing will stop me from being the best professional I can be.

Well, before I jam to Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis", I hope your holidays are relaxing, enjoyable, and blessed. And, if you have any young children around, be sure to not let them use your finger as a chew toy...it really hurts, trust me.

Learning to Fly - Post 11

2006-12-13T19:05:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"Some people come into your life and quickly leave
Others stay for a while and leave footprints on your heart
And you are never ever the same."
- Anonymous
[I hope I got that quote right...I know it goes something like this.]

I can't believe my first semester as a "full-time professional" is almost over. Sometimes time just flies by...

This week I've been watching my RAs and students go through the craziness of finals week. The grads in our department are just as stressed and are pulling all-nighters to finish up papers and study for exams while trying to close their building.
I definitely don't miss that. This week has been really relaxing for me...I mean, most of my regular meetings are cancelled this week and the "closing" craziness won't hit me until Friday really. But even though I've spent a lot of time in my office, I haven't been half as productive as I wish I had. There's this End of Semester report that should be written. There's other little things to finish up for Closing. And there's all the stuff to prepare for Training and Opening in January. I was so effecient when I was stressed over academic advising and worked 14-hour days...now that I don't get to the office until 10 and have time for lunches with colleagues and random phone calls during the day, I don't get anything done anymore. The only thing I've been good about is putting treats into my staff's mailboxes every day to keep them motivated through finals and closing.

But I wasn't going to talk about work today...
I was actually thinking about grad school and the friendships from grad school. It's strange how just a few months ago, we all felt so close and were ready to promise to stay friends forever...and now, just a few months later, I hardly talk to anyone. I occassionally check people's Away Messages on Instant Messenger and I may think for a second about IMing them but then I don't. After all, it's been so long and we're leading such different lives...I wouldn't even know where to start in terms of catching up with them. And do they even want to stay in touch?
Maybe it was just the intensity of grad school - the stressful life. the spending 12-hours a day together between classes, practica and assistantships, the complaining about classes and work - that made us feel this incredible bond and closeness. And now that we've returned to "normal" life that bond is gone. And now you really know who the people are that you can count on...a handful of good friends, with whom you didn't just bond because of grad school and work but because you actually had things in common and care about each other.

Sometimes it makes me wonder though...
In our profession, we move around so much, especially in the beginning. Nobody stays in an entry-level ResLife job for more than 2 or 3 years (4 is pushing it). Half of our full-time staff will probably leave by the end of this year. So how good friendships can you really establish in these short times? Or are we destined to have many of these intense but short friendship that last throughout your time at a specific institution but end as soon as one of you leaves?
We make friends so easily because we spend way more time together than you would in a normal profession...and we really go through the ups and downs together, from work to personal life...because let's be honest, who manages to really separate the two in Student Affairs? But we also move on so quickly...a new institution, a new group of colleagues, a new support system and a new group of friends.

And sometimes it also makes me wonder...
We are all so damn friendly with each other. There is all this talk about supporting each other and helping each other. But then there's also this underlying competition. We have all these "recognition initiatives" from "Staff member of the month" to shout-outs on a Web site...and while we all try to recognize each other, isn't there always that feeling of "why didn't I get nominated?" or "if this person is doing that, should I be doing that too?"
I was working on my End of Semester report today...honestly, I wrote like a page - not even - and then I e-mailed some of my colleagues with whom I've done some programs to get their input on the format of the section we're working on together...and the feedback I received was, "you need to stop e-mailing stuff because it's making me cry because I haven't even started to think about that report." I don't want to make people cry! I don't want to make anyone feel bad. But I also can't stop working just to make others feel better. And while I may have started on my report, they may have done something different that I haven't even thought about yet. Or one staff member may have 20 room changes, while I only had one...so of course I'm going to have more free time right now.
What scares me most about all this competitiveness is how it affects our "friendships" and how it makes you sensor what you say in professional staff meetings and around colleagues.

Someone once told me that you should try to find friends that don't work in Student Affairs or have anything to do with the institution you're at. I think that's great advice. But when I'm spending every second on or near campus and the staff are the only people I know in this area, it's easier said than done. And I love the staff here and feel like I really connect with many of them. If it just wasn't for all that hidden competition and the question whether or not this is a true friendship or just one based on convenience...

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 8

2006-12-12T11:34:00.000-08:00

Post 8 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: Upbeat for such a gloomy day...
Music: John Legend "Heaven"
Status: Arsenal in 6th (6!) place (16 fixtures played, 26 points)

I have to tell you, before I get to the work stuff, that I'm glad I've had a student affairs training, especially in the residence halls, because it prepares you for the unexpected. I fondly remember the nights I went on rounds, making sure things were fine in my building, and rolling up on who knows what, and having to use my training to approach the situation. My training kicked in Friday night...on public transit nonetheless. Lemme give you the situation...

I went out to downtown Friday night to catch a basketball game. The game was great, and I left feeling pretty good. I'm in the middle of a major US city at night, with the streets buzzin' in action, and I decide to catch the light rail train to the Mall for some late night shopping. While I'm on the train, a crew of 5 folks stumble (literally) on the train. Apparently, one of the women in the group got promoted, and took a college-esque approach to celebrate by imbibing as many spirits within a 2 hour time frame. She's pretty happy to be promoted, but her language around children might get her demoted. So, out of all the seats available on the train, she sits next to...me. And, she uses my shoulder as a head rest as she blabs on about her job and the wedding she went to last week where...I'll leave the conversation about that in the train. But, as she's guessing my name, she asks an intriguing proposition involving the removal of clothing. As nice as it sounded for a nanosecond, my training kicked in.

BAM!!! You must use the developmental force to overcome such urges and help this woman!!

So, I cooly tell her, "Listen, I wouldn't want you to lose that nice promotion and scare these children, so I'm sorry." I continue to tell her that it wouldn't be morally prudent in front of the riding public (Kohlberg, anyone?) and her actions might set the notion of the working woman back several years (Josselson's Women's Identity...by a stretch). So, she calms down, and the rest of the ride is in peace. A crisis had been averted, thanks to development theory.

As for work, it's not that exciting as the train. Finals are going on this week and next, so students are running around trying to get all their work done. I kinda laugh because that was me a couple of years ago, but then I remember I have work to do, contracts to sign, and programs to plan...by next week. So, I'm running around also. But, student organization meetings have ended for the semester, so my evenings are a little calmer. It's been exciting to go to these meetings from the get-go and see the students develop, especially the leadership of several groups. The organizations are finalizing big plans for next semester, and they're really excited. I'm happy for them, even if it means more work for me. I don't mind, unless it involves taking the light rail late at night to get things done...

Learning to Fly - Post 10

2006-12-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."
- Sirius Black, Harry Potter

Wow, it's been a while. I apologize for not posting in so long. I really don't even have a good excuse because the last few weeks haven't been that busy...

You know those days, when the most stressful time of the semester is finally over, and you just have a few little things to accomplish, but you're absolutely nothing done...yeah, that's what it's been like.
We're closing the buildings at the end of the week. I like my residents, but to be honest I can't wait for all of them to be gone...

I'm spending winter break here...I'm probably going to visit a friend for a couple of days, may meet up with some other people...nothing big though. Christmas Eve (which is when Austrians celebrate Christmas) I'm just planning on lighting a fire in the fireplace of the Living Room of my residence hall, reading a good book (probably "How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accent" by Julia Alvarez...since that's the new book for our book club...by the way, I got to pick it and I'm really really excited), and eating some ice cream. Everyone who finds out that I'm spending the holidays here by myself is making such a big deal out of it...but honestly, I couldn't imagine a better Christmas. This semester has been hectic enough and I really just want some peace and quiet!!!

I'm already sick of Christmas music...and all the Christmas commercials on TV. Don't they realize that not everyone celebrates Christmas??? I can't imagine what it must be like to grow up in a family that doesn't celebrate Christmas and constantly be bombarded with Christmas songs in every store you go to, Christmas shows and movies on TV, Christmas decoration in the streets, and and and.
I'm having the hardest time trying to explain to my staff that they should say "Happy Holidays" and instead of playing "Secret Santa," do something like "Secret Snowflake." They just don't seem to get it...
It's so frustrating sometimes.

Other than that, there's not much going on here. I have to turn in my letter of intent for next year very soon (in January). So I've been thinking about it A LOT! I think I want to work with a different learning community. No, let's be honest, I don't just "think" I want to work there...I've become "obsessed" with the idea of working there. I just think it'd be the perfect fit for me. It's the "Leadership" Learning Community and I'm all about student leadership. I mean, that's what I love about the job. I like interacting with my first-year students, but the best part of the job with my student leaders, from RAs to RHA Exec Board members to Hall Council members. They are the students that make this job worth having. And of course, not every student in the Leadership Community would be that king of leader...but it's a start. And I have all these great ideas of what I could do for programs...
I'm trying not to get too emotionally attached to the community yet. It'd be too devastating if I don't get it. But it's hard...I just get so emotional when it comes to this job. Uh uh, not cool (that's the newest saying of the RHA Delegation that went to the regional conference....it's really funny...mmm, I guess you had to be there).

Alright, it's time for bed.
For those of you out there, who are taking classes: Good Luck with Finals!
For everyone else, good luck for the end of the semester!!! :)

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 7

2006-12-04T07:36:00.000-08:00

Post 7 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: Absolutely bitter cold...almost to the point of torturous
Premiership Standings: Arsenal 3rd Place (15 games, 25 points)
Music: D'Angelo "Spanish Joint"

You know, there are times I feel taking this job was a mistake. Rather, it might have been a punishment from a higher power for some past wrongdoings. It's not the work that I incur, or the people I deal with...it's the weather. I should have known when the job was in the Upper Midwest, it might entail some cold weather conditions. Let's just say that I'm not a cold kind of person, and the local coffee/hot chocolate/tea market has benefitted from my generosity. Some local coffeehouses know me by name (so does the local Mediterrean cafe...I apparently hold the record for most chicken gyros eaten in one setting).

Enough about food and weather conditions...I'm glad the semester is ending soon. That means I'll get a little break of sorts. No more 10:00 p.m. meetings for a while, no more getting contracts signed one day before a performance, no more meetings about scheduling meetings about future meetings. Now, I'm not saying that I'm looking to make a jail break outta my office and I dread coming to work, but I fear that burnout is trying to set in. I've been moving at about 100 miles an hour since I got here, and I think it's catching up with me in some ways. I'm more tired coming into the office, I've been a little more irritable, and I've been spending more of my time buying coffee to perk me up (as I noted before). I've tried combatting this with more sleep at home and exercise, but I think I need a break.

I just think this is the final swing of the semester, and the students here are tired too. I think a fog as swept over campus and made us all drowsy and looking forward to winter break in a couple of weeks. Or maybe it's all this damn cold weather...

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 6

2006-11-23T17:47:00.000-08:00

Post 6 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: Stuffed...absolutely stuffed
My F.A. Premier League standings: Arsenal 4th Place (12 games played, 22 points)

Well, it has been an extremely hectic two weeks since I last blogged, and for that I sincerely apoligize. Students were trying to finish their student organization budgets, and since I'm their advisor, I had to review every single request and give suggestions. Some ranged from miniscule changes ("You might want to change the font so student government might actually read your request") to major switches ("I don't think they're gonna go for a $2000 request to feed half of campus with Famous Dave's ribs...in fact, half of the students here are vegetarians!"). Then, after budgets were done, there were a variety of projects that needed to get completed. So, I haven't been the best blogger out there, but now that I've gotten some free time I can reflect on the semester thus far.

First off, I'm thankful for having a wonderful job. Now, I'm not just saying that because I'm gainfully employed and earn a paycheck, but I have a job with the ability and privledge to work with young growing minds and guide them in their difficult decisions they have to make. It's still an absolute wonder to work with these students and make their college experiences much better. It's a joy to come into work every day, and I'm blessed to have it.

Second, I'm thankful for the colleagues I work with. My unit is very small, and we have to "wear a lot of hats", but they challenge me in a positive way to think of different solutions and situations. My supervisor is extremely helpful, and he has been a great guide for me.

Third, I'm thankful for the students. Yeah, they sometimes make absurd demands (rename the campus lecture hall after Spike Lee or something) and protest world events I never knew about ("Solidarity for the teachers in Oaxaca!"), but they're a joy to work with. And, these kids will go on, graduate, and work for the greater good, going into areas of the world neglected by common thought and provide others with opportunity. Plus, they've gotten me into trying new things (curry goat for dinner) and experience new forms of entertainment (F.A. Premier League soccer...Arsenal's my team...Theirry Henry's my new favorite player).

Finally, I'm really thankful for...down time. Yeah, when I'm not at work, I don't have homework anymore. And that's when my digital cable comes into play. And boy, is it a blessing to have. I can watch obscure channels and record my favorites on my DVR. It's a great release to come home from a long day at work and relax. That means, if I come home and feel like I've worked hard, then I've done my job, and that I'm still in love with what I do. I don't dread going to work every morning, and I don't wait for the clock to reach 5:00 to head home. I still love what I do, and I still firmly believe it's what I want to spend the rest of my life doing.

Learning to Fly - Post 9

2006-11-22T19:17:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." - Irv Kupcinet

Thanksgiving is one of these American things that I just don't understand. I mean, we all know the whole Pilgrims-Native Americans thing didn't work out all that well ("not all that well" is definitely an understatement but you know what I mean...). And why would we want to celebrate a holiday that basically consists of food and football when you can watch football any other day of your life (at least the residents in my building seem to be doing it ALL THE TIME) and half of this country's population is either overweight or on a diet because of trying to achieve some unhealthy body image that's portrayed in today's media. [Whoa baby...my English professor would roll his eyes in desperation about these long run-on sentences.]

With my family being so far away and my college friend now also being far away, I've decided to spend Thanksgiving relaxing and doing absolutely nothing. I don't want to intrude on another's family's Thanksgiving, especially not for a holiday that means absolutely nothing to me. But people's reactions are quite entertaining when they ask about my Thanksgiving plans and I tell them that I'll be eating ice cream and watching Grey's anatomy. Hey, I made it through 17 years of my life without ever celebrating Thanksgiving...not doing anything this year won't kill me.
Maybe it's just the combination of being a vegetarian and not liking football...

Anyway, I closed the building today. Let me tell you...it feels SO GOOD to have the building to myself. The quiet is absolutely amazing! :)

But let me catch you up on what's been going on in my "professional life" lately (not like I have another life...).

I've had some not-fun conversations with student staff members this past week. Of course last week was also evaluations week, so it was a little awkward doing evaluations and addressing current staff concerns. I decided to separate the two of them...having the conversation about current concerns in the beginning and later on going into the semester evaluation. After all, it wouldn't be fair to rip someone apart in an evaluation if they've been doing alright all semester but have just slacked of these past few weeks.
I definitely wasn't looking forward to those conversations though. I have to say, overall, they went pretty well. I think some of them got it. Some of them though definitely didn't and I'm not sure what else to do. I definitely struggle with addressing staff performance concerns...if someone tells me a good sob story about how stressed they've been lately or if I see them looking exhausted I have a hard time holding them accountable. I know, it's their job and they need to fulfill their minimum requirements. Especially when their stress is usually due to other outside commitments and not their academics. But I'm just having a really hard time with that.
Oh well, something for me to work on, I guess.

I've definitely been going through RHA withdrawal after coming back from the conference. As annoying those late-night meetings were at times (even I am not excited about working until midnight on a regular basis), I definitely enjoyed them and miss spending time with the delegates now. We're planning on having a little reunion soon. And there's been lots of Facebook conversations and pictures.

I've also spent some time this week reflecting on this first semester. (Yes, it's been less stressful lately, so I actually had time for this.) Sometimes it feels like I've been working for ResLife forever. And if you count my undergraduate and graudate experience, I am, after all, in my sixth year in Residence Life. But then again, it's my very first year as a full-time professional and there's clearly a lot more for me to learn out there.
I'm trying very hard to be intentional with what I do...to use some of that grad school knowledge as I'm developing new processes and models (such as my newest programming model for my RAs that I'm really really excited about...I showed it to them and they were just like "okay," but hey, I know it's going to be GREAT and very very EXCITING."
Now that I'm not as stressed anymore and not working 20 hours a day, I really want to spend some more time sitting down and evaluating what I've been doing so far. I know I can be an even better ResLife professional...I just need to think about what's been going well and what I've been struggling with. I also had all these big plans on reading professional literature and keeping up with new research and I really haven't done a good job with that. I started off this semester with reading the Chronicle of Higher Education during breakfast every morning...now I haven't read it in like three months. But maybe I'll be able to go back to that routine...

Well, it's getting late and even though I have nowhere to be tomorrow, it may be a good idea to start thinking about going to bed...

For those of you celebrating Thanksgiving with family or friends, I hope you have fun! :)

Learning To Fly - Post 8

2006-11-13T20:19:00.001-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes.
I am forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life."
- Kelly Clarkson

"I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes"...that's definitely something I would say and do. There are very few people who have seen me cry before because I do NOT cry in public. But lately, I've just been too stressed and exhausted and then I get over-sensitive and start crying for no reason. Usually I still manage to wait until I'm alone in a room, but sometimes it just doesn't work.

So this weekend, I went to a regional student leadership conference. I met one of my friends from undergrad there (she is an advisor for the RHA of another institution in the region) and we shared a room. We didn't get much time to hang out together - both of us being with our delegations for most of the time - but we did get a few precious moments at night and throughout the day-and-a-half. And then, when we were about to say goodbye, I just started crying. I don't even really know why. It was just too much for me...
I hadn't seen my friend in over a year and I don't know when I'll see her again. I've been feeling a little lonely lately - not so sure if I always fit in with my colleagues, and my family's not coming to visit Christmas so I'm not sure what I'll be doing for that - and I've had some stupid arguments with another friend. And as much as I love working for ResLife, it takes over your life and it's really really hard to have a life outside of work.

But besides that little emotional breakdown, I had a lot of fun at the conference. My delegation was just absolutely amazing and we had the best time! :)

But then I came back and...
let's just say, it wasn't the "welcome back," i was hoping for.

We had a Fall Training Conference for RAs this weekend and my staff was all supposed to attend. But before I even returned to campus, I already got a message from another staff member, who I had asked to keep an eye on my staff, that only two of them stayed until the end and several left after the Opening/Welcome...not even going to the first program session. Needless to say, I was NOT happy.
As I returned to campus, I checked my mailbox as several things had been due that day...and what do I find - not much of a surprise to be honest - many of them hadn't handed in all these things yet.
The most challenging part is that I love my staff...I really think they are great students and great leaders - but they just don't always take care of all the administrative tasks or they have a severe dislike for training. I really didn't expect them to not go to the training though, as that was seriously disrespectful toward me as their supervisor and the department. I'm not really mad...I'm just VERY VERY UPSET and DISAPPOINTED.

I guess one of the things I really need to work on is not taking things too personally. But it's really hard sometimes. I know I have very high expectations of my staff...but I've also tried to be very flexible and understanding. And then this...

Well, I'm afraid we will have to do things a little differently from now on.

Oh and if that wasn't enough...someone superglued my office door shut. I'm not really sure what that was supposed to be about. It happened Saturday night. Now, here at my institution, we turn the lights down when quiet hours start and the switches for those lights are in my office. So of course, the Housekeeping staff couldn't get into the lock on Sunday morning to turn the lights back on and the building was dark all day.
If the person, who did it, was trying to "get me" or "annoy me," they definitely had bad timing. I didn't come back from the conference until late last night...and by the time I made it into the office this morning, the Housekeeping staff had already called the locksmith and broken open the door. So a new doorknob and lock had to be put into the door.

So I spent most of the day trying to deal with some of these issues while catching up on e-mails and doing staff evaluations (can you imagine doing fair evals when you're seriously upset with your staff...not an easy task!). I snuck into my apartment during a few breaks in between meetings and work, just to lie down for a bit, cry a few tears in private and try to get some of my energy back. The whole time I was wishing I could be back at the conference. I already miss the students that were on our delegation.

But I've rambled on for long enough and there's some staff evals that need to get done before tonight.

Tomorrow is a new day...let's just hope it'll be a better one!

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 5

2006-11-10T12:29:00.000-08:00

Post 5 from Tryin' to Get Paid

My Mood: It's a cold Friday...good excuse to get a coffee
My Music: Rather, it's NPR this day...I feel like getting educated

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm so glad the election is over. I did my civic duty and voted (sadly, I didn't win local county water commissioner #4...it doesn't help when I'm the only one who voted for me), but I'm glad all the damn negative ads are off the air and radio. If I heard another "so-and-so is too liberal for our state" and "so-and-so is far right for what we need", I would have openly screamed and drove to Canada just to skip the election. But, I'm glad things calmed down on campus. Students were TOO excited about the election; and since an overwhelming majority of students on campus are Democrats, they wanted as many votes as possible. In fact, the morning before the election, I was walking into work and encountered a crowd of folks standing around holding signs. As I stopped and said "what the hell?", a kid grabbed my arm and shoved me in front of...the Democratic candidate for Governor (who was the Attorney General at the time). It was kind of cool to meet him, and he seemed like a nice guy (the ads made him seem like a blood thirsty kitten-hating demon). It's sad he didn't win, because he was open about lowering tuition across state colleges and pushing for higher Pell Grant awards.

Election night was funny across campus...because you could hear the screams of "yes!!!" when a Democrat was projected the winner. If you were a Republican on my campus, you probably spent the night holed up in your room, either sobbing into a pillow or didn't say anything to anybody. I watched some returns in our student lounge, and people were estatic that our local county attorney whipped her Republican opponent for US Senate. Let's just say, the day after the elections, you could tell there was a "hang-over" on campus. A lot of folks walked with a lighter step and had smiles on their face. It was as if their tuition bill was lowered, or they could graduate without doing any actual work. Ah, the joys of working on a very political campus...

Learning to Fly - Post 7

2006-11-03T20:56:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:
"...yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. Best to say nothing at all, my dear man."
- Albus Dumbledore

I'm sorry that I haven't written in a while. Things have been crazy busy lately (aren't they always?).

And tonight, my residents have just lost it...it's only 11:30 PM and we've had 4 documentations already: 1 noise violation, 2 underage drinking, and 1 smoking pot...the resident, who was smoking pot, even got ARRESTED because he wasn't compliant. WHAT A NIGHT!!!

But this wasn't what I wanted to talk about tonight. I'm struggling with finding a balance between being flexible and holding staff accountable. If they have a really good excuse or I see that they're struggling or stressed out or sick, I feel bad and I don't want to hold them accountable for not fulfilling all their job responsibilities. But then again, this is a job and I need them to do it well.

My grad for example...she's a music performance major, so this job is really "just a job" for her. She also has a VERY time-consuming major and is currently in a show. So basically, she doesn't have time to get everything done. She's been sick a lot this semester and lately, she's looked really stressed out and has really been struggling to get everything done. She's been missing classes, was so tired that she didn't do well on a midterm, and has had her voice coaches "talk" to her about her performance and commitment. She is a student first, so I've been trying to be supportive and encourage her to focus on her education. But at the same time, she hasn't really been doing her job either. I'm not sure if she works 20 hours a week...to be honest, I highly doubt that. She is barely in the building. She's done the minimum of what she needs to do but she hasn't really done anything else. I have tons of tasks that I could need help with, but how can I ask her when she's so stressed out?

We talk so much in our field about balance, but what's more important: balance or fulfilling your job responsibilities? And her not being here has affected the community, from the residents to the RAs to me. I've been dragging these past two weeks because I just haven't gotten enough sleep. When every meeting with a central staff member starts with the question whether or not I'm okay because I look like crap...that's a sign for me that I need to change something. And I moved into my new apartment three weeks ago now (I think it was three weeks...it may have been more...I don't remember) and I still haven't unpacked completely.

But at least, this week I'm getting AWAY from campus: first a regional conference, then an RHA regional conference. Lots of fun! Let's just hope my building will still be standing when I return from all these conference.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 4

2006-10-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

Post 4 by Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: It's Fall Break, and I'm on shutdown mode
Music: Talib Kweli "Listen"

Well, well, I'm sure the folks at studentaffairs.com have been wondering (or not) where I have been. It's been a crazy couple of weeks here on campus, but now it's Fall Break and most of the students have left for a couple of days of rest and relaxation...who am I kidding? Most of these folks are still here, they just party all night and sleep all day. The only thing missing in their routine is making their 1:00 "Feminism and socialism in post-modern North America" lecture. At least I get some rest after last night's Halloween dance. Our staff decided to dress up like KISS (I voted for Prince and the Revolution...that'll be next year), and we were a hit with the students. I'll continue to be a hit, thanks to a picture of me circulating around Facebook (it's not obscenely bad, but I don't look my Sunday best...damn technology).

Even though I've been here a couple of months, I'm finally starting to get the hang of things around here. I've finally figured out the budgeting process, where most of the campus partners' offices are, and gotten to know some of the wonderful faculty members here. I'm even getting out of my apartment and seeing some of the sights in the town. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, I had Ethiopian food for the first time, and it was SOOOOOO good! Tonight, I'll have Jamaican food (I might try some grilled goat, depending on how adventurous I feel) and I might hit the new theatre of performing arts too. I am starting to feel at home here, and that feels wonderful. I can definitely see myself here for a while, and that's something I didn't think I would say during my job search.

And, I have learned one lesson...it doesn't matter if the students traveled the world, cheer on Chelsea FC (appartently they're a popular English soccer team), or protest against the war in Iraq...they still can act like 18 year old kids. At first, I was really awed by these students' knowledge of world issues and tenacity to change the reality they live in. However, as I settled down, I began to realize that these kids were prone to the developmental challenges everybody has in college, and I am starting to become more adapt in using those theories I learned in grad school to better help them. One student organization wants to promote "artistic pornography", and other student group tried to bring in a Hollywood producer to speak without contacting their advisor...which would be me. As much as a headache these situations would be, I'm finally getting the hang of working here, and it feels great.

Learning to Fly - Post 6

2006-10-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant."
- P.T. Barnum

Here's my question for the day: how much is too much?

This week, we had one of our big learning community programs. There are three buildings that house students in our learning community...and the staff of the three buildings work together in order to put on three huge programs each semester. One of the full-time staff members is in charge of each of those.

So the one this month was mine. I was working with one of our grads and she was really excited (excited doesn't even describe it...i mean REALLY REALLY EXCITED!!!) about doing a dive-in movie. She got the RAs on her side, and as the supportive full-time staff member I said yes to their idea. After all, all through training we'd been told to "think big," "don't worry about the cost."

But how do you do a dive-in movie when copyright laws won't allow you to show movies anymore? And how do you make it educational?

It was bit of a struggle, but finally we had an idea and were able to add a positive educational component to the program: Our learning community theme is overall wellness, so we did a PowerPoint presentation complete with movie clips as well as educational information about overall wellness. The RAs picked the movies and came up with the basic slides. I spent countless hours ripping those movie clips off the DVDs and inserting them into the PowerPoint, as well as figuring out the timing of all the effects...sounds pretty easy, but let me tell you...WHAT A HEADACHE! Of course the program I was using didn't really let me cut the movie clips at exactly the moment I wanted them to...or at least not until the second or third try. Let's not even talk about the fact that I had never used that program before and had to teach myself how to use it first. And then the timing of the effects...How long should you leave a slide up? I tried reading through them, but then again, I read very fast. How fast do residents read? Based on their grades, not very fast (ooo, that was mean and not very developmental at all...let's just say I've been doing midterm interventions non-stop for the past few hours because one fourth of my building is failing...most of them not because they don't get the material but because they have decided to waste their rich parents' money and spend their college years drunk at a bar uptown).

Anyway, the PowerPoint presentation actually turned out pretty well (hopefully we can use it for something else as well). But let's talk about renting the pool: It cost $812 for two hours. And we could only get it on the very worst date (that of course fell right during one of the busiest weeks of the semester).

But yeah...$812. Okay, so the program was advertised to 600 students and we were hoping for a turnout of about 150...but $812!?!?!

We (or should I say "I" because in the end most of the committee work fell on me) wrote a funding request for our learning communities fund and we got $500. I also submitted a request to the Residence Hall Association, but the request won't be heard until Monday (already after the program).
About five days prior to the program, I had to face the question whether or not to cancel the program or just keep my fingers crossed and hope that I would get RHA funding. And if not, we could split up the other costs between all the buildings, which would cost everyone $130 (including some extra money that was spent on food).

I decided to go through with the program (after all, we'd already put so much effort and time into it), but asked all the RAs to talk to their residents and let me know how many were coming...and I informed the other full-time staff members that work in buildings of the learning community about the money problems. They were - well, frustrated (to say it in a nice way). I totally understand their frustration...but it didn't really help. I could have needed a little bit support at the time. Last week just wasn't my week (and that's an understatement) and what I really needed was a hug and a "it'll be okay." Or maybe some help on how to deal with this issue...

Oh well, the program happened last night. The RAs, at least the few who responded to my request to check with their residents, all said that between 10-15 residents from their corridors were planning on going. With 24 RAs, that would mean 240-360 residents. Okay, I'm not that naive but expecting 100-150 was reasonable, right? We also did lots of creative advertisements and really tried to spread the word in the buildings (at least I did...not so sure about some of the RAs...).
Yeah...we had maybe 50. Apparently there was some event going on uptown at one of the bars that I hadn't known about (it was a WEDNESDAY night!!!).

So basically, we spent $900 (because we spent a little less than $100 on food and refreshments) on a program for about 50 residents. Yeah, you could argue it was an alcohol-alternative (especially since there was that event going on uptown). It had a solid educational component and I was actually happily surprised about how many residents were watching the PowerPoint presentation).
But was it reallly worth it?

We've had problems with unsafe behavior around the consumption of alcohol this semester (more than usually)...we've had residents complain that there is "nothing to do on campus." Yes, this program addressed that, but still...
Should I have spent all that money?

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

Learning to Fly - Post 5

2006-10-12T19:47:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day: "I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep."
- Robert Frost

I've spent a lot of time thinking lately. I'm not sure why because I really haven't had the time to think. I should have spent those precious few hours of free time catching up on sleep or maybe even attempting to have a life. Instead, I've been thinking...

Having these academic advising appointments with my residents is quite interesting. Talking to them about their major and their career plans definitely makes me think about my own career a lot.

You have those students, who're in business...because their parents are in business and because they want to make a lot of money. You have those students who are in pre-med because their parents are doctors and they want to make a lot of money. Very rarely you get the student who is truly passionate about they do.
Okay, maybe I'm making it sound worse than it is. Or maybe I'm just weird. But the thought of how much money I would make never even crossed my mind when I was thinking about possible careers. I thought about the possibility of making a living, which eliminated dancing from my list of options, but making a lot of money wasn't even a consideration. Maybe that's why I'm in Student Affairs...

But seriously, isn't it so much more important to be doing something that you love? Something you feel passionate about? Something where you want to read the literature even when you had a 14-hour work day and should really be going to bed.

Okay, so I made fun of my dad when he'd read all his science magazines (he's a physics teacher) or answer a simple question of "how do I turn on the VCR?" with a lecture about the physical concepts that make the VCR work. Yeah, I thought he was a nerd.

But now I get it. Now I'm that kind of person, who comes home from work and picks up a magazine or reads an online newsletter that's work-related. You know, I actually miss grad school. I miss being forced to read articles and books. I miss having heated discussions with classmates about current issues. I miss having the close guidance and supervision of my boss.

As a grad student, you get all the attention. You have your faculty that wants to help you learn and grow. That constantly challenges you or encourages you to challenge yourself. You have your supervisors, who closely watch everything you do and tell you what you could do better or differently.
Then you get to the professional level and suddenly you're out on your own. Your supervisor only checks in with you during one-on-ones...you're trusted to make important decisions on your own. Don't get me wrong...I love being able to do my own thing; I like being trusted; I like running my own building.
But so often I ask myself: Am I doing a good enough job? What could I do differently? How can I challenge myself so that I will grow as a professional?
So much time of your daily routine is taking up by taking care of the basic necessities of your job that there's barely any time for learning, for professional development and growth. Just by doing what I consider being the minimum, I can work 14-hour days...so where do I find the time to do all the other things I want to learn about?

I'm the RHA Co-Advisor this year...again. And I just LOVE working with RHA.
ResLife is definitely me (yeah, I'm a ResLifer and I'm proud of it)...but I also have a thing for Student Leadership. Is there anything better than seeing these students grow into confident leaders?

We started having meetings for the upcoming regional conference (no, I won't tell you what region or you may figure out where I'm at...haha). So the meetings start at 10 p.m. I generally just rush there after my last advising appointments...after a LONG and draining day. Many of my friends are like, "Wow, that sucks. You have meetings that late?"
Yeah, it's late. But I don't care. I actually look forward to those meetings all week. (Okay, yeah, I'm really weird...LoL.) I spend more time laughing and enjoying myself at those meetings than I would sitting at home in my apartment and relaxing.
so we may have drama at RHA...what student organization doesn't...but we also have a lot of fun and passion for what we do. I can relate to those students. Sometimes, with my residents, I just want to shake them and be like "Wake up! What are you doing!?!?" But with the RHA Exec Board, I see myself in them...I see my friends in them...and I see their great potential and want to get to know them even better because they simple amaze me.

Okay, I just totally got sidetracked daydreaming about RHA. Has that ever happened to you? I don't even remember how I got started on this topic...

Oh yeah, so...well, I've been thinking a lot. We have a learning community that's the "leadership" learning community. Maybe I should ask about moving there next year. I don't dislike my residents...and my RAs are great...but I do feel a little out-of-place at times with all this talk about going to the rec and eating healthy (well, what can you expect from the Health Enhancement & Lifestyle LLC?). What's even scarier is that people don't just talk about it...they actually GO TO THE REC. I mean, I've thought about it...I have even talked about working out...but that's about as far as it goes for me. I can take a dance class...I can go running for like a week before I get sick of it...but working out every day? That's just not me.

You know, sometimes I worry I don't have as much time for RHA this year as I'd like to. I don't really feel like I've made that connection with many of the leaders that I had with the exec board last year. The conference prep meetings are definitely helping because we get a chance to chat and laugh...and I think they get to see a different side of me. But I just don't feel like "Advisor of the Year" material right now and I hate not living up to my own expectations. There's just so much to do...oh, I could come up with a million excuses. But it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel like I'm giving 100 percent and it upsets me. I keep telling myself that next semester I'll be able to work with them more...once advising season is over...but will it be too late???

I also worry about not having enough time to support my staff. I had all these goals and plans at the beginning of the semester and right now I'm just trying to make it through the days and get the bare minimum done of what needs to happen. Why is there always so much to do?
Everyone else keeps telling me that I'm doing a great job...but I wanted to do so much more...

Alright, now I'm just rambling. It's clearly time for bed.

Oh and on a side note: I finally get to move into my new apartment. Yes, the apartment that was supposed to do be done on August 1st. ;) You gotta love ResLife.
You can't even imagine how excited I am to finally start decorating...and not to live out of boxes anymore. Yay!!!

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 3

2006-10-03T08:20:00.000-07:00

Post 3 from Tryin' to Get Paid

My Mood: Nothing a vanilla latte can't solve...
My Music: Mint Condition "Whoa"

So, I've been a little late in writing this latest blog. I've been a little busy putting out little fires on my little campus. Forgive my cynisism here, work is starting to pick up in my office, and everyone's running around crazy. Not that there's anything bad about it, but when it rains, it pours. (Did any of that make sense to you? Didn't think so...that's how crazy it is...I've lost the ability to be sarcastic).

There are a few big things coming up on campus that have my attention divided several different directions. Our family festival is coming up, where all the families get to see our campus and see how activist we've (or we haven't) become since school started. From my orientation experience, the parents here have some lofty goals for us to help their kids reach, like being a better vegan, do more social work with African immigrants, even find ways that the college can cut down on usage of materials made with non-organic materials (wha?????). From all this, I had to call my dad and tell him about this. I vividly remember my parents dropping me off at school, and if somebody asked how they could help me, they would say "graduate this kid...on the cheap!" It's funny how perspectives are from different walks of life. When I was 18, I cared more about getting the girl across the hall to notice me with my lame engineering pick-up lines ("hey gorgeous, I noticed your periapsis...mind if we went out and I calculated the time of rotation?) These kids are quoting James Baldwin and collecting used goods and selling them to benefit Habitat for Humanity.

Despite all of this, I have to keep reminding myself...they're still teenagers. No matter how much "War and Peace" they read, no matter how many times they've travelled the globe, they still have developmental issues. I still find myself reading journals and pulling out my Student Development in College to refresh myself. It's a challenge, with late night organization meetings and advising major conferences students want to plan (check that...want ME to plan), but I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't love it...

Learning to Fly - Post 4

2006-09-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"...I bumped into a woman I hadn't seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? 'You've lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!'

'Well,' I said, slightly nonplussed, 'the last time you saw me I'd just had a baby.'

What I felt like saying was, 'I've produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren't either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?' But no - my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate."

- JK Rowling, author of Harry Potter

Sometimes, when you've given up hope, people will surprise you.

Yesterday, I took my RAs to a cabin in the wood (okay, that just sounded a little creepy...) for our first real staff development. I could tell you about the hassle it was to organize this, the stress of trying to find someone to cover our building, the frustration when my staff didn't follow through on tasks they'd been given to prepare for this and and and. Yes, I was frustrated. I was annoyed. I didn't feel like going to the retreat anymore. Why did I have to do this in the first place? This wasn't required. And it was clear that my staff wasn't appreciating it...why else would they do everything last minute...wait for weeks before even seriously starting to ask their friends to cover duty. Why did I have to be such an overachiever?

But then we got there and we had a great time. We were playing games. I had some activities planned (an identity teambuilder, a review of staff expectations of each other); others we came up with at the spur of the moment. We made smores in the fireplace, told stories, laughed. It was getting late and I could see my staff starting to fade...they were about ready for bed...but I had one more activity planned. I wanted to talk about language...about words or phrases that can hurt and offend. They weren't all that enthusiastic when we started. I could hear the groans and felt their looks on my back, as I put up a big piece of butcher paper on the wall with the phrase "words can hurt" written on it. I asked them to think of words or phrases that upset and offend them and then to come up and write those on the paper.
We sat there...for a few moments I was afraid nobody would get up. Then, one of the RAs stood up and wrote, "You're a fag" on the paper. The others followed the example. Slowly the paper was filled...comments about weight, race, ability, sexual orientation.
And then we started to talk. Again, at first it was just me and my graduate assistant sharing stories, explaining why certain things offend us. We definitely had those awkward silences with everyone staring at the floor hoping I wouldn't call them out, shifting uncomfortably in their seats, praying someone else would break the silence. But then the stories came out.

I had been worried about my staff's awareness of social justice issues; their openness toward those topics. Now I found out their stories - stories about themselves, their friends, relatives, loved ones. They touched on topics I hadn't expected them to bring up, expressing their thoughts in mature and openminded ways that blew me away. Maybe I've been underestimating my staff. Maybe I have been making assumptions based on the region of the country I'm in, the general climate on campus, their reluctancy to openly speak out for issues.

I have hope again. Okay, so they still don't hand in their reports on time. They don't respond to my e-mails or plan programs well in advance. But they care; and they have an understanding and appreciation of diversity; they are trying to be open and accepting and want to promote an open and accepting environment; and most of all they're willing to talk and to learn. We may still have a long way to go, but at least I know now that we're walking in the right direction.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 2

2006-09-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

Post 2 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Music I'm Groovin To: OutKast "Morris Brown"

Another week of work is done, and I'm still amazed that I have a full time job. There are some days I'm expecting to go home to do homework, and I walk through the door, sit down...and I've got nothing to do. And it feels so good!!!

I remember the last few days of grad school, where our professor asked everyone to state what they would do when they entered the professional world. Many said they would read, some would exercise, some would save money and travel, and some would take some time to do artistic works. I, on the other hand, proudly stated that I would do absolutely nothing. I would go home, sit on my couch, and just exist. I would consume oxygen and release carbon dioxide. In a metaphysical sense (an in the words of my good friend Alvin), I would coalesce in a space of self. Now that I can do that, it feels wonderful. However, there is a drawback...I'm alone most of the time in front of my non-functioning TV, and I've gotta find something to do.

On the work front, I'm still trying to navigate the campus culture at my new institution. It's still very interesting to learn new idiosyncracies the students come to campus with, and the type of environment I'm in now. Before working here, I've never heard 5 languages spoken at once, met a vegan, knew what the world "hegemony" meant, and knew that clothes could be made from recycled materials. It felt like I'd been living in a no-man's land where I was cut off from the rest of the world. However, I have to keep reminding myself that these kids grew up in a completely different environment than I did, and have been through vastly different experiences than I have. That doesn't mean that they're any better than me (and I'd definitely correct them on that point, if you feel me), nor they're more educated than me (I've got 2 degrees with my name on them, and I've busted my ass to get them). In fact, these kids are more than willing to show this fool what's up in their world, and it's pretty cool that they're willing to invite me in to their circles.

Well, "My Super Sweet 16" is on (it's my guilty pleasure), so I'm gonna run. Until next week...

Learning To Fly - Post 3

2006-09-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day: "We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

I'm not taking classes anymore.

Somehow I still can't believe it! School has been such a huge part of my life for the past 18 years and now I'm done (Well, at least until I get really ambitious and decide to get a PhD...but don't worry, that won't happen for at least another 5-7 years). I thought that working on a college campus, I would be even more aware of not taking classes...after all, everyone around me is: my residents, my RAs, the graduate students who work with us in the department...but surprisingly, I feel like it still hasn't hit me that I'm not a college student anymore.

Maybe it's because I've been so busy and I haven't really had time to think about it yet. Maybe it's because I value "professional development" and have been trying to read professional literature, glance over the Chronicle of HigherEd on a regular basis and even try to turn a grad school paper into an article for publication. Maybe it's because the job is still so new and I'm still learning a lot of things. No matter what the reason, I still feel very much a part of the school life and I have to remind myself that I'm not a student anymore.

The one thing that has changed is that classes suddenly sound a lot more exciting to me. As I'm advising my residents (I am a Hall Director and Academic Advisor for a first-year building) and am going through the course list with them, I find all these classes that sound so fascinating. I remember groaning about the general education requirements at my liberal arts undergraduate institution...now I find all those classes exciting and would welcome the opportunity to learn about those topics.

While not taking classes isn't as "strange" as I thought it would be, some of the other aspects of being a grown-up definitely are.
I have a retirement portfolio. Can you believe that? I know what a Roth IRA is! (Or at least I think I do...okay, maybe I should take that back...but I have one, whatever it is.) I've starting to think about investing.

Just a few weeks ago, I didn't even know what any of this was. Then, the Human Resources session happened during training and you could see the panic and confusion on all of our faces. I'm just glad I didn't have to go through this by myself. Who knew all the things you have to do and decide!!! That's one thing they forgot to mention in grad school.
So now I have the same retirement plan and savings account as at least half of the ResLife staff. I still don't really know what it means and what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure that I've signed everything I had to and making all these important decisions and at least I don't have to stress about it anymore. And I have the rest of my life to find out what I actually picked and what that means.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 1

2006-09-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

Post 1 from Tryin' to Get Paid

My office is annoyed by: "While I'm Alone" Maze f/ Frankie Beverly

Okay, okay, I was supposed to start the blog a week ago. But...I've got a great excuse...Orientation. Yep, we had orientation during the Labor Day weekend, which meant I got to celebrate the efforts of hard-working Americans by...working. But, before I go any further, here's some background about this simple fool.

I just graduated from my Master's program in Higher Education (if that wasn't obvious to you) and I started working in late June. I'm at a private, liberal arts school in the upper Midwest. However, I'm in a major urban area, which is fine by me, because I'm a city guy. I can't stand driving several hours to get basic essentials, like a decent haircut and hear good old school music.

My school...yeah...it's rather unique. I went to a large, public, rural agricultural school, so I'm used to kids rolling down the main drag in souped-up F350 diesel pickups with Alan Jackson blasting from their windows. Also, the campus was pretty conservative, so any ideas of diversity were immediately greeted with scorn. Now, I'm at a place where kids are driving hybrid Civics (well, at least their parents are), listening to Ani DiFranco and sipping on free-trade Rwandan dark roast coffee. Plus, this place is pretty liberal (just think about it...I consider myself a left side of the aisle kind of a guy, and since I've been here, I'm seen as the conservative voice on campus). It's a dramatic shift, but I'm getting used to the environment, and I love it so far. Plus, the students here are just like any other late teenagers; they want to take the world, but are still trying to figure out how.

Well, I hope that was a great intro for you. But, I've got to get back to work. Until later...

Learning to Fly - Post 2

2006-09-05T21:39:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day: "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." - A Cinderella Story

It's 1 a.m. and I should have been in bed a couple of hours ago. I have a meeting tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM and I don't even want to think about how hard it will be to get out of bed that early. In case you didn't know: I am NOT a morning person!

But there's something I've been thinking about...

It all started when I was doing laundry tonight. I hate doing laundry. The worst part is when you get the clothes out of the dryer and you have to fold them...and in some cases even iron them. It takes forever and you know in a few days, you'll just have to do it all over again.

I was walking down the hallway and I saw light in my office. Did I leave the light on by mistake? My dad's a physics teacher and all about conserving energy...so I rush over to the office to turn the light off. As I open the door, I find one of my RAs sitting at my computer. He's been using my computer to do his homework because one of the programs he needs doesn't work on his machine.
We start chatting. He's quite the character and comes up with the most random comments. So we're talking about feminism and - knowing that I am a feminist - he says, "Did you know that [another RA] says that she wouldn't care if the feminist movement never happened?"
Silence. I look at him. I'm not really sure what he expects me to say. Did he think I would die from shock that someone actually said that.
"Because she'd be happy to be a housewife and raise children and all that," he goes on...trying to get a reaction from me.
So this started a whole debate about what it really means to be a feminist and what feminists fight for. I believe that it's all about having the choice whether you want to have a career as a woman or whether you want to be a stay-at-home mom. I'm not saying one is better than the other...but it should be your choice and not something society forces onto you.

But is it enough to just have the choice between the two? Shouldn't we, as women, be able to have both? A man can have a career and a family. But can a woman do that?

I love my job and I could never imagine not working. But would I be able to continue working as I do now and have a family, run a household, raise my children? I want to move up in the field, but can you be a Director of ResLife, a Dean of Students or even a Vice President of Student Affairs and have children? If I had a husband, who's willing to be a stay-at-home dad, definitely. But would I want that? I'm not going to carry this baby for 9 months, then spend some painful hours in labor and after that push it off to his father and only see it on weekends and holidays. I want to be a mom...a mom who's around...a mom who goes to school plays and soccer games...a mom who makes sure that there's always a fresh batch of cookies on the table when the children get home from school.
But I also want a career. I want to make a difference in this field. I want to have an impact on students, take the lead on new initiatives, shape departments, be regionally and nationally active in professional organizations and and and.

But am I asking for too much?

Learning To Fly - Post 1

2006-09-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day: "I like a quiet life, you know me." - Harry Potter

Welcome to this blog! And welcome back to those of you, who followed my journey last semester as "Candidate #0000."

It's just been a few months since I put on my cap, gown and hood; only a month and a half since I packed up my car, said goodbye to friends, colleagues and mentors and drove for 13 hours...It feels like a lifetime.

The summer was filled with the excitement and anxiety of knowing that I would soon start a new part of my life, a new adventure. I spent half of my last paycheck on new books, all related to Residence Life, learning communities and being a new professional. I spent countless hours organizing my computer files and documents, sorting through papers and notebooks...after all, I wanted to start off my new life "well-organized and prepared." I spent precious hours with friends trying not to ask when I'd see them again or whether or not we'd manage to stay in touch in spite of the distance. I daydreamed about new opportunities, about being the "perfect" new professional...and in the back of my mind - even though I never admitted it - I worried about not being good enough, not being "liked" at the new institution, not being able to make new friends, and not being able to succeed in my new position.

And then the day came: my car was packed. A last look around my apartment to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. Handing in the keys at the Complex Office. Saying goodbye to my supervisor and a few colleagues. A last look at the institution that had been my home for the past two years. And then I was on the road...

The first few days were filled with anxiety hidden well behind a big smile. How would I fit in here? What will this year bring?

Now, I've survived Week 2 of the Fall semester. I made it through the long days of professional staff training. I bonded with my Resident Assistant staff during Student Staff Member training. I was astonished at how smoothly opening went as I welcomed 220 first-year students to my building. And before I was able to take a deep breath, the semester started. Students stormed my office to ask academic advising questions (yes, working for residence life here, I don't only run a building and supervise a staff but also am the academic advisor for my first-year residents). There hasn't been a dull moment yet. And I don't think there'll be a dull moment...EVER.

But what can I say, I LOVE it!

No, not everything has turned out the way I expected it too. Yes, there have already been many long and stressful days, unexpected challenges and frustrating discoveries but some things have also been easier than I expected, there have been positive experiences, fun surprised and memories that will last a lifetime.

And it's only the beginning....