Learning to Fly - Post 4

Quote of the Day:
"...I bumped into a woman I hadn't seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? 'You've lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!'

'Well,' I said, slightly nonplussed, 'the last time you saw me I'd just had a baby.'

What I felt like saying was, 'I've produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren't either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?' But no - my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate."

- JK Rowling, author of Harry Potter


Sometimes, when you've given up hope, people will surprise you.

Yesterday, I took my RAs to a cabin in the wood (okay, that just sounded a little creepy...) for our first real staff development. I could tell you about the hassle it was to organize this, the stress of trying to find someone to cover our building, the frustration when my staff didn't follow through on tasks they'd been given to prepare for this and and and. Yes, I was frustrated. I was annoyed. I didn't feel like going to the retreat anymore. Why did I have to do this in the first place? This wasn't required. And it was clear that my staff wasn't appreciating it...why else would they do everything last minute...wait for weeks before even seriously starting to ask their friends to cover duty. Why did I have to be such an overachiever?

But then we got there and we had a great time. We were playing games. I had some activities planned (an identity teambuilder, a review of staff expectations of each other); others we came up with at the spur of the moment. We made smores in the fireplace, told stories, laughed. It was getting late and I could see my staff starting to fade...they were about ready for bed...but I had one more activity planned. I wanted to talk about language...about words or phrases that can hurt and offend. They weren't all that enthusiastic when we started. I could hear the groans and felt their looks on my back, as I put up a big piece of butcher paper on the wall with the phrase "words can hurt" written on it. I asked them to think of words or phrases that upset and offend them and then to come up and write those on the paper.
We sat there...for a few moments I was afraid nobody would get up. Then, one of the RAs stood up and wrote, "You're a fag" on the paper. The others followed the example. Slowly the paper was filled...comments about weight, race, ability, sexual orientation.
And then we started to talk. Again, at first it was just me and my graduate assistant sharing stories, explaining why certain things offend us. We definitely had those awkward silences with everyone staring at the floor hoping I wouldn't call them out, shifting uncomfortably in their seats, praying someone else would break the silence. But then the stories came out.

I had been worried about my staff's awareness of social justice issues; their openness toward those topics. Now I found out their stories - stories about themselves, their friends, relatives, loved ones. They touched on topics I hadn't expected them to bring up, expressing their thoughts in mature and openminded ways that blew me away. Maybe I've been underestimating my staff. Maybe I have been making assumptions based on the region of the country I'm in, the general climate on campus, their reluctancy to openly speak out for issues.

I have hope again. Okay, so they still don't hand in their reports on time. They don't respond to my e-mails or plan programs well in advance. But they care; and they have an understanding and appreciation of diversity; they are trying to be open and accepting and want to promote an open and accepting environment; and most of all they're willing to talk and to learn. We may still have a long way to go, but at least I know now that we're walking in the right direction.