Learning to Fly - Post 11

Quote of the Day:
"Some people come into your life and quickly leave
Others stay for a while and leave footprints on your heart
And you are never ever the same."
- Anonymous
[I hope I got that quote right...I know it goes something like this.]


I can't believe my first semester as a "full-time professional" is almost over. Sometimes time just flies by...

This week I've been watching my RAs and students go through the craziness of finals week. The grads in our department are just as stressed and are pulling all-nighters to finish up papers and study for exams while trying to close their building.
I definitely don't miss that. This week has been really relaxing for me...I mean, most of my regular meetings are cancelled this week and the "closing" craziness won't hit me until Friday really. But even though I've spent a lot of time in my office, I haven't been half as productive as I wish I had. There's this End of Semester report that should be written. There's other little things to finish up for Closing. And there's all the stuff to prepare for Training and Opening in January. I was so effecient when I was stressed over academic advising and worked 14-hour days...now that I don't get to the office until 10 and have time for lunches with colleagues and random phone calls during the day, I don't get anything done anymore. The only thing I've been good about is putting treats into my staff's mailboxes every day to keep them motivated through finals and closing.

But I wasn't going to talk about work today...
I was actually thinking about grad school and the friendships from grad school. It's strange how just a few months ago, we all felt so close and were ready to promise to stay friends forever...and now, just a few months later, I hardly talk to anyone. I occassionally check people's Away Messages on Instant Messenger and I may think for a second about IMing them but then I don't. After all, it's been so long and we're leading such different lives...I wouldn't even know where to start in terms of catching up with them. And do they even want to stay in touch?
Maybe it was just the intensity of grad school - the stressful life. the spending 12-hours a day together between classes, practica and assistantships, the complaining about classes and work - that made us feel this incredible bond and closeness. And now that we've returned to "normal" life that bond is gone. And now you really know who the people are that you can count on...a handful of good friends, with whom you didn't just bond because of grad school and work but because you actually had things in common and care about each other.

Sometimes it makes me wonder though...
In our profession, we move around so much, especially in the beginning. Nobody stays in an entry-level ResLife job for more than 2 or 3 years (4 is pushing it). Half of our full-time staff will probably leave by the end of this year. So how good friendships can you really establish in these short times? Or are we destined to have many of these intense but short friendship that last throughout your time at a specific institution but end as soon as one of you leaves?
We make friends so easily because we spend way more time together than you would in a normal profession...and we really go through the ups and downs together, from work to personal life...because let's be honest, who manages to really separate the two in Student Affairs? But we also move on so quickly...a new institution, a new group of colleagues, a new support system and a new group of friends.

And sometimes it also makes me wonder...
We are all so damn friendly with each other. There is all this talk about supporting each other and helping each other. But then there's also this underlying competition. We have all these "recognition initiatives" from "Staff member of the month" to shout-outs on a Web site...and while we all try to recognize each other, isn't there always that feeling of "why didn't I get nominated?" or "if this person is doing that, should I be doing that too?"
I was working on my End of Semester report today...honestly, I wrote like a page - not even - and then I e-mailed some of my colleagues with whom I've done some programs to get their input on the format of the section we're working on together...and the feedback I received was, "you need to stop e-mailing stuff because it's making me cry because I haven't even started to think about that report." I don't want to make people cry! I don't want to make anyone feel bad. But I also can't stop working just to make others feel better. And while I may have started on my report, they may have done something different that I haven't even thought about yet. Or one staff member may have 20 room changes, while I only had one...so of course I'm going to have more free time right now.
What scares me most about all this competitiveness is how it affects our "friendships" and how it makes you sensor what you say in professional staff meetings and around colleagues.

Someone once told me that you should try to find friends that don't work in Student Affairs or have anything to do with the institution you're at. I think that's great advice. But when I'm spending every second on or near campus and the staff are the only people I know in this area, it's easier said than done. And I love the staff here and feel like I really connect with many of them. If it just wasn't for all that hidden competition and the question whether or not this is a true friendship or just one based on convenience...